The Sports Truth

Entering tonight’s game, Philadelphia first baseman Ryan Howard (right) has 57 home runs. With 11 games to go, he has a chance to reach the once-mythic 60 home run pantheon. Has anyone noticed? Does anyone care?

The answer is that no one knows how to react. What was the most hallowed individual record in sports is now so tainted that Howard’s pursuit of 60 is an afterthought. The media surely hopes he won’t get there, so they won’t have to discuss it.

People seem to believe that with improved testing and suspicion hanging over Major League Baseball, the 26-year-old phenom cannot be on steroids.

Likewise, I’ve never heard it suggested that today’s top power hitters — Alex Rodriguez, David Ortiz, Albert Pujols, and idiot savant Manny Ramirez — are juiced, and I firmly believe they aren’t.

But what do I, or any observer, know at this point? The 60-homer mark is damaged goods, has been since 1998, and will be for decades to come. It’s a sad, undeniable fact. As Howard makes his push to join this elite club, let’s take a look back at the last man to join it without a cloud of suspicion over his head, and whose achievement 45 years ago still stands head and shoulders above the rest.

In the fall of 1961, Roger Maris closed in the unthinkable single-season record of 60 home runs held by the great Babe Ruth. Steroids were decades away from transforming the game, but the Yankee outfielder was universally maligned by media during his pursuit, with everyone from average fans to the commissioner of baseball hoping Ruth’s record would remain intact.

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It’s gone from an insider event to mass-marketed hysteria. The skill and endurance involved, along with the cast of characters, are unrivaled. But, the Sports Truth asks in its newest Face-Off:

Is Poker a Sport?

YES

sport noun 1: A source of diversion 2: A physical activity engaged in for pleasure syn play, frolic, fun, recreation.

After consulting with my boy Noah Webster (the pride of West Hartford, Conn.), it appears poker makes the grade on all counts. I am clearly not the only one who thinks so, either. Further down on the same page, the dictionary describes a sportscast as a “broadcast dealing with sporting events.”

If elite-level poker is not a sport, then why is the nation’s premiere sports network, ESPN, pouring resources into televising it each year? If Greg “Fossil Man” Raymer, the 2004 champion (right), doesn’t embody everything great about sports, I’m really not sure what does.

Poker’s critics simply don’t understand the endurance, skill and mental toughness involved. It’s ludicrous to suggest that the high-stakes card game is any different than the Great Outdoor Games, the NBA or Women’s Nine Ball.

Watching hands, remembering every detail.

Playing the opponent as well as the cards.

Deciding when to bluff. Exercising caution one minute and letting it rip the next. Anyone who has played knows the feeling. You have pocket queens and picked up a third on the flop, but are trying not to give away too much. Raise. Check. Pause. The pot is growing and you have your arch-nemesis right where you want him… until he somehow lands a straight on the river.

It hurts. You want to strangle him, and yourself for good measure. The agony, glory and finality are unmatched. No matter how events transpire, you will leave emotionally drained.

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The worst thing that can be said about a professional golfer is that he or she is irrelevant, and that’s the perfect word for what Michelle Wie has become in her dubious ventures against male pros.

Fans who just last year were convinced Wie, 16, could make a cut in a men’s event are now reduced to shaking their heads and asking how badly Wie missed the cut.

In consecutive weeks going up against the men, once in Europe and this week at the 84 Lumber Classic on the PGA Tour, Wie finished dead last. At the 84 Lumber, Wie finished 36 holes with scores of 77 and 81, an unimpressive 14-over-par effort.

The stunning thing about Wie is that just as her play in women’s golf seems to get better, she diverts her attention to this ridiculous notion of competing with the PGA field. Her play then regresses with each horrendous performance in a men’s event.

Reasons for her struggles abound. Some say the 6′1″ Hawaiian’s swing has become too mechanical under the tutelage of David Leadbetter. Others say she’s picked poor courses for her PGA aspirations, or is simply trying too hard. Regardless, it’s a joke. An irrelevant one.

What have we learned from Wie’s play this year?

1. Against women, Wie is a threat to win any tournament. She will be one of the favorites in the Samsung World Championship in Palm Desert next month — assuming she doesn’t blow it off to get embarrassed against men again.
2. Few people care about Wie playing against men, and she will not gain credibility until makes a PGA Tour cut — which she is clearly not even close to capable of.
3. As a result of her insistence on trying, Wie is losing support among even the most staunch defenders of her decision to play against men. PGA Tour golfers are starting to lose patience when it comes to hearing about (and being asked about) the teen golfer who finishes last in the field.

In short, Michelle, it’s time to reassess. Until you can flat-out dominate the women’s game, there is no excuse for this ongoing stunt. Give it up.

The Sports Truth is proud to bring you The Weigh-In, in which we break down prospective matchups within the world of sports (and sometimes pop culture) that you may never have considered… seeing as they are pointless and, above all, not real.

Our inaugural edition is a showdown of Barkleys. Who will emerge victorious when the incomparable motormouth and NBA great Charles Barkley goes toe-to-toe with hip-hop duo Gnarls Barkley in a 10-round bout? Let’s take a look:

1. ACTUAL NAME(S)

Charles Barkley: Charles Wade Barkley
Gnarls Barkley: Thomas Callaway, Brian Burton
Edge: Charles

2. NICKNAME(S)

Charles Barkley: Sir Charles, the Round Mound of Rebound
Gnarls Barkley: Cee-Lo, Danger Mouse
Edge: Gnarls

3. CURRENT BUZZ

Charles Barkley: Always a presence, the retired NBA great and current TNT analyst is never far from the spotlight
Gnarls Barkley: One of the hottest acts in music right now
Edge: Gnarls

4. CRAZY FACTOR

Charles Barkley: Someone generously listed at 6′6″ wouldn’t be among the NBA’s career leaders in rebounds or technical fouls if he didn’t have a few screws loose. Nor would said individual jokingly elbow an Angolan player in the Olympics, or throw a fan through a plate glass window.
Gnarls Barkley: Their single “Crazy” is the first song ever to top the UK singles charts purely on download sales, and also the first single to top the charts for nine weeks consecutively since 1994. Debut CD featuring the song has sold nearly 800,000 copies.
Edge: Even

5. NOTEWORTHY TEAMMATES

Charles Barkley: Julius Erving, Hakeem Olajuwon, Clyde Drexler, Kevin Johnson
Gnarls Barkley: Gorillaz, Goodie Mob
Edge: Charles

6. KNOCK

Charles Barkley: Never won an NBA title
Gnarls Barkley: Electronic music lacks mainstream credibility
Edge: Gnarls

7. BANK

Charles Barkley: Over $43 million in career earnings, probably at least that in endorsements, plus investments; Well-paid NBA TV analyst
Gnarls Barkley: Doing pretty well for themselves, but can’t be nearing Charles’ nine-figure territory yet.
Edge: Charles

8. SOUND BYTES

Charles Barkley: [on SI's Rick Reilly]: “Of all the people in sports I’d like to throw through a plate glass window, Reilly’s not one of them. It’s a shame though, skinny white boy looks real aerodynamic.”
Gnarls Barkley: [on performing live]: “This ain’t just some studio act. We bring the $h!t.”
Edge: Charles

9. POSSIBLE CONTROVERSY CAUSES

Charles Barkley: Fines, profane tirades, bar fights, making absurdly un-PC remarks
Gnarls Barkley: Copyright infringement
Edge: Charles

10. FUTURE ASPIRATIONS

Charles Barkley: Running for Governor of Alabama, ripping today’s NBA stars, lots of golf, gambling many U.S. dollars
Gnarls Barkley: Revolutionizing radio with a uniquely catchy fusion of hip-hop and soul
Edge: Even

THE VERDICT: Gnarls may be all the rage these days, but Charles, the original Barkley, takes it by the score of 6-4. Crazy stuff.

No pulsating intro music or pyrotechnics are necessary when the Sports Truth’s Starting Five takes the floor. Primarily because our budget won’t allot for such things. That would be so cool, though!

Every Friday, our panel of experts takes a current sports topic and sounds off on it — five times over. These guys have been researching constantly, poring over endless data and bouncing ideas off each other in preparation for this feature. Prepare to be amused, perplexed, enraged and maybe a little awed by their collective brilliance.

This Week’s Topic: BASEBALL PLAYOFF RACES

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1. Who will win the World Series?

EVAN CHRISTOPHER: The New York Mets in a subway series. Boo yea.

LEVI MATTHEWS: The New York Yankees. But the Mets may score a couple runs in one of the games.

JOEY BARGUY: The New York Yankees. The hot second half team (besides the White Sox last year) always wins the world series — especially when its the Yankees. And come on, they have their swagger back. Alex “Brosius” Rodriguez is getting hot at the right time, and Rivera will be nice and rested. Most importantly, every other team seems to be suddenly terrible.

LUCAS DWYER: Three teams have a chance to win: Yankees, Twins, and Tigers. The Yankees certainly look the best right now, but I feel like their pitching will catch up with them in a 5 or 7 game series vs. a good squad. The Tigers should be the team to beat, but I think their young pitching will catch up with them as well. Provided Liriano is effective when he comes off the DL, I like he and Santana to propel the Twins to a World Series title.

MICHAEL STEPHENS: The no-name Oakland Athletics will play boring but smart, defensively-brilliant baseball and stun even Billy Beane by winning it all.

2. Was the Yankees trade for Bobby Abreu (pictured) the most influential move of the 21st century?

LEVI MATTHEWS: It ranks right up there with the Dr. Webber raising the stakes for future Chief of Staff at Seattle Grace by hiring Derek Shepherd on Grey’s Anatomy. Or George Bush being re-elected. But neither the president or any surgeon, no matter how precise, can compete with the OBP of Abreu.

JOEY BARGUY: Abreu takes approximately 37 pitches per at-bat. While it’s hard to project the future of 21st century “moves,” the only possibility would be if the Yankees trade Abreu to some other team.

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[Cue Loud, Booming Voice & Cheesy Sound Effects]

Bow down before The Pundit’s cleats and revel in his omnipotence! 5-0 on predictions from last week’s Power Five! Another I-AA upset, courtesy of New Hampshire over Northwestern.

Any doubters of thine college football punditry may heretofore revel in their own foolishness.

THE PUNDIT’S POWER FIVE

1. Notre Dame. They handled Penn State pretty easily as expected. The Pundit is not convinced of the Lions’ worthiness, though, so Irish fans should not be thinking title yet.
This week’s opponent: #11 Michigan
Prediction: The Wolverines should prove to be a tougher challenge than the Lions. Michigan has a stud running back and a good passer. Too bad the Irish run defense is pretty solid. Another win for Notre Dame, but this time only by seven in a tight game.

2. Ohio State. They simply ripped Texas. Wow. Their defense impressed.
Next week’s opponent: Cincinatti
Prediction: If the Buckeyes don’t win this one by six touchdowns, they should drop football altogether.

3. LSU. Sorry, Teddy, but the Wildcats sucked last week. LSU romped in a snoozer.
Next week’s opponent: #3 Auburn
Prediction: This game is for all the marbles — in Week 3! A lot of people like Auburn this year, but I’m feeling LSU by three in the game of the week.

4. West Virginia. Eastern Washington thought they were good… until the Moutaineers ripped them a new a$$hole. They will be sh!tting in different directions for weeks on end.
Next week’s opponent: Maryland
Prediction: Maryland was a one hit wonder in the ACC under Ralph Friedgen. They will be blasted further back into obscurity this week. West Virginia by 28.

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He’s one of the only players to ever win three Grand Slams in one year, and he’s done it twice. He moves around the court and disassembles foes with breathtaking ease. Elite players raise their games and still can’t touch him. That said, the Sports Truth asks in its latest Face-Off:

Is Roger Federer Human?

YES

Ah yes, another cliché that’s used and abused in the world of sports media to the point where we’re now actually discussing whether Roger Federer is actually a human being or not. Certainly Mr. Federer, who dispatched Andy Roddick Sunday to win his third straight U.S. Open, has put together a run of tennis greatness that seems, well, inhuman.

However, simply because something has not been accomplished by a human before, does not mean that the feat itself is inhuman. By the definition, guys like Lance Armstrong, Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, or anyone who attains what was perceived to be unattainable should no longer be human.

Maybe it is Roger’s ability to play the game with absolutely no emotion — as if winning, losing, making an incredible shot or withstanding a crippling blow simply does not matter to him — that gives him the appearance of not being human.

Certainly even the most stoic human would eventually succumb to the pressure or emotion of the moment and reveal a soft, sensitive human beneath the concrete exterior, right?

Somehow Roger is able to remove himself from seemingly normal, inescapable stimuli and focus on his game, giving him an almost alien-like appearance.

Is this a sign of someone who is not of this world? Or rather is it the beginning of a revolution of athletes who remove all emotion from their play and focus on execution. Rather than argue that it is this quality that makes him not human, why not point out that it is his ability to contain his emotions that makes him so good?

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Apparently, the backup punter at the University of Northern Colorado (or UNC, as my college roommate, a Rocky Mountain State native, refers to it) wanted the starting job. Really bad.

We all want things in life we can’t or don’t have, and occasionally covet our neighbors. But most of us aren’t as driven as Mitch Cozad, who was arrested yesterday for stabbing the starting punter. In his kicking leg.

Let me get this straight. Not only is Mitch demented enough to go Tonya Harding style on his competition, but he wasn’t the least bit shrewd about it. Come on man. You couldn’t have poisoned him or at least chosen a different limb? They’re obviously going to think it’s you!

The really sad part (aside, of course, from the fact that a human being was stabbed) is that the starter was averaging only 37.6 yards per kick. For a I-AA team. That just lost to Portland State. 45-3. Not exactly Ohio State here!

Mitch, don’t take this the wrong way and come after us, please, but if you can’t beat that without pulling a knife, maybe you should get a different hobby or something. Just a thought.

I’ll bet someone right now that the NHL will no longer exist by the time goaltender Rick DiPietro’s 15-year contract with the New York Islanders expires.

But if I’m wrong, watch out for DiPietro in the 2020 season, when he’ll be in a contract year and playing for the really big money.

The Oakland Raiders have some serious issues.

That much was evident to anyone unfortunate enough to watch their 27-0 home defeat to the San Diego Chargers Monday night. It was heinous. Everyone from members of Raider Nation to Oakland’s own players couldn’t resist ridiculing this sorry display.

That’s right, disgruntled wideout Jerry Porter, who was deactived for Monday’s regular-season opener, was seen laughing and fist-pumping near the Raiders bench after quarterback Aaron Brooks was sacked for the seventh time, the San Francisco Chronicle reports.

Porter, who has been slowed by a calf injury and has clashed with Raiders coach Art Shell throughout the preseason while demanding to be traded, has stooped to a new low with this one. Who cheers when your own team is being humiliated? Talk about — quite literally — adding insult to injury.

Doug Gabriel started all five exhibition games opposite Randy Moss. After Gabriel was traded to New England, Alvis Whitted was named the starter in place of Porter.

Shell, asked about his decision to deactivate Porter, said: “We have five receivers and I decided we’d go with the other four guys.”

Ouch. In Porter’s defense, he claims he was fist-pumping in response to a fan. Whatever. It looks as if this guy’s days in Oakland are numbered… although it’s hard to see anyone acquiring him. Think Bill Belichick is targeting this kind of character to replace the traded Deion Branch? All the speed in the world can’t compensate for that kind of attitude.

The only person who’s idiocy rivals Porter’s? Me. For picking him up in my fantasy football league without realizing any of this had transpired. Guess that explains why he was available.