The Sports Truth

O.J. Simpson is finally confessing. Hypothetically, that is.

The former NFL great, who was acquitted in criminal court 11 years ago of killing his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend, Ron Goldman, reportedly has been paid a stunning $3.5 million to write about the shocking 1994 double murder, MSNBC reports.

But Simpson is not actually confessing, mind you. He’s writing a “hypothetical” book — one tentatively being called If I Did It.

Apparently, getting away with cold-blooded murder isn’t enough for this guy, who feels the need to rub it in everyone’s face 12 years after the fact.

The Juice, easily one of the worst human beings alive not named Kim Jong Il, talks about how he fell in love with Nicole and how their marriage collapsed. He goes on to describe, in gruesome detail, the killing of his ex-wife and Goldman — stipulating that the murder scenes in the text are “hypothetical.”

The descriptions are reportedly so detailed and so realistic, however, that readers are left with little doubt as to what really happened. Not that we were on the fence as it was. Still, the fact that he has the audacity to exploit the murder of his children’s mother, which he committed, for fiscal gain is unimaginable.

The founding member of the NFL’s single-season 2,000-yard rushing club, and its only member who went on to kill two individuals later in life, can’t be retried for the murders because of double jeopardy laws. Months after the not guilty verdict, he was ordered to pay over $30 million after being convicted in a wrongful death civil suit.

The victims’ families can’t have his six-figure annual NFL pension plan, of course — and Crazy Orenthal plans to spend the earnings from this new book quickly, MSNBC reports, so those greedy bastards can’t touch that either!

Wow. To think we call someone like Terrell Owens a bad person. This puts it all in perspective. Hope you buy some nice new summer clothes with the royalties, Juice — they say Hell is pretty damn warm.

[Sports Truth note: Barry Bonds' tell-all memoir, If I Took Steroids and My Head Grew Seven Sizes, is reportedly due out in Winter 2007. Mark McGwire is authoring the foreword.]

It took 18 years for the Arizona Cardinals to host a Monday Night Football game, and the futile franchise showed why last night.

They can’t block.

Nor can they hold onto the ball.

As a result of blowing a 20-point lead and losing 24-23 to the Bears, frustrated coach Dennis Green fired offensive coordinator Keith Rowen today and replaced him with quarterbacks coach Mike Kruczek.

“I’ve known Keith for a long time. I have the utmost respect for him. We are not scoring enough points,” Green said.

Kruczek becomes Green’s third offensive coordinator in the coach’s 2 1/2 seasons in Arizona. We give him about six weeks.

“I don’t hesitate to make changes. That’s just who I am. I like things to go a certain way, and if they don’t, I normally do something about it,” Green said.

Green said Kruczek’s close working relationship with rookie Matt Leinart will give the Cards a better chance. That may be, but one can only wonder if firing the coordinator is really the right course of action for a team that…

• … permitted a blindside sack of Leinart that led to Mike Brown’s 3-yard fumble return for a touchdown.
• … watched Charles Tillman return an Edgerrin James fumble 40-yards for another score.
• … surrendered Devin Hester’s 83-yard punt return for the go-ahead touchdown.
• … missed a makable 41-yard field goal with under a minute to go.

Our take? This is bigger than one man. The entire staff should be shipped out, or the franchise should consider moving. To Europe.

Meanwhile, Baltimore Ravens coach Brian Billick (left) has canned offensive coordinator Jim Fassel and will take over the play-calling for the offense.

Billick said it was difficult to let Fassel go, saying he has been a valuable, loyal coach. But he wasn’t apprehensive, either.

“Clearly, in order for us to expand on our 4-2 start we have to have more offensive productivity,” he said. “There was no single incident, no single episode, nothing specific that brought about this change. But something needed to be done.”

The two squared off in Super Bowl XXXV when Fassel was head coach of the New York Giants. Three lackluster seasons following New York’s 34-7 loss, Fassel was fired by the team and signed with the Ravens as a consultant. He was later given a promotion to offensive coordinator, but failed to galvanize the team.

Billick is probably worried about his own job security, which has deteriorated considerably after failing to produce much since Baltimore’s title five seasons ago. Even the luster of winning Super Bowls wears off in time (as Mike Shanahan and Jon Gruden can attest).

Who knows if this will pay off, but perhaps Billick is taking a cue from the man he sent packing in his desire to shake things up. Fans may recall that back in 2000, Fassel’s finest hour came after he stripped offensive coordinator Sean Payton (now coach of the New Orleans Saints) of play calling duties, took over the offense himself, guaranteed a playoff berth and sparked the Giants’ run to the Super Bowl.

If Billick works similar magic with the Ravens upon firing Fassel, that would certainly qualify as ironic. If he then met up with Payton and Team Katrina in the Super Bowl, that would be just plain weird.

No pulsating intro music or pyrotechnics are necessary when the Sports Truth’s Starting Five takes the floor. Primarily because our budget won’t allot for such things. That would be so cool, though!

Every Friday, our panel of experts takes a current sports topic and sounds off on it — five times over. These guys have been researching constantly, poring over endless data and bouncing ideas off each other in preparation for this feature. Prepare to be amused, perplexed, enraged and maybe a little awed by their collective brilliance.

This Week’s Topic: STEROIDS IN SPORTS

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1. Which sport do you think has the most steroid use?

EVAN CHRISTOPHER: Baseball. As it’s been proven over the years, basketball players and NFL playmakers don’t need insane strength to be successful. In other words, white people need ‘roids to be athletic.

THE PUNDIT: If you changed this question to performance enhancers, that would be more appropriate, because GH and some others arent tested by the NFL and other leagues. Track and field uses the most, followed closely by football. Track athletes almost have to use the juice these days to stay competitive, and football players need them (the untested GH in particular) to recover from the poundings they take.

STEVEN VINCI: Probably golf. These guys are hitting the ball farther and farther every week, and Phil Mickelson just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

LUCAS DWYER: I’m reluctant to say “steriod use” anymore because with all the hGh rumors floating around, you get the feeling guys have moved on to more advanced substances. I do think, however, the greatest substance abuse occurs in the NFL. It has to. These guys are freakishly large and the game has a far greater possibility for injury than any other sport.

JOEY BARGUY: Tie — men’s bodybuilding and The Orthopedist Olympics.

2. Would you care if your favorite athlete took steroids?

JOEY BARGUY: All of my favorite athletes are dead or animals, so no.

LUCAS DWYER: I’m not gonna lie, the large head and the gap in the front two teeth (tell-tale signs of of hGh use — see Shaun Alexander as well) scare the heck out of me with David Ortiz. Fortunately, my favorite player is Manny Ramirez, and there’s no way he could even figure out how to take hGh.

EVAN CHRISTOPHER: Yes and no. If Cal Ripken, Jr. was found to have used steroids during his historic consecutive games streak, then I probably would have abandoned sports forever. But if Hulk Hogan took a shot in the ass every day in order to win the WWF Heavyweight championship in the early ’90s, more power to him.

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That about sums up the fantasy team of this supposed expert, which will be 2-4 as of tomorrow barring a miracle from Javon Walker. Despite what many considered to be the best fantasy football draft of my 14-team league, I’m on the outside looking in when it comes to the playoffs.

With seven regular season games to go, and probably needing to go 8-5 to finish in the top six and gain a postseason berth, I had to shake this underachieving fantasy football roster up. After pathetic output at wide receiver and three losses by a combined eight points, I decided it was time to drop Deuce.

Then I decided I had to move Deuce McAllister of the New Orleans Saints, a.k.a. Team Katrina, because having four good running backs is not going to do a lot for you when you can only use two of them per week (my league has no hybrid spot).

As my first round pick and the #1 overall selection, Larry Johnson, and the Vikings’ Chester Taylor appear entrenched as my 1-2 punch, I opted to keep Laurence Muroney as my third back and add a quality receiver to supplement Larry Fitzgerald (whose hamstring is a major concern) and Javon.

It was a long dealmaking process, but one that ended well — and leaves me somewhat confident in my playoff chances despite having little to no margin for error the rest of the way. In classic early-stage negotiating fashion, I threw out ridiculous proposals designed to land Steve Smith, Chad Johnson or Marvin Harrison. No dice.

Then, having made it known that I was looking to move Deuce (who, it must be said, would have won me two games this year had I played him over the aforementioned Mr. Taylor), I received the requisite low-ball offers. No way was I going to trade for Antwaan Randle-El or Amani Toomer, but at the very least, I’d gotten some interest.

I was actually pondering another deal when the trade I’d been seeking all along came through. The John Mark Karr All-Stars (classy name) had offered Isaac Bruce in exchange for Chester Taylor. I knew I’d be getting the worst of that agreement, but was desperate enough for WR help to consider it. But then Mailbox Head came through.

I love Mailbox Head. Not just because I’ve been friends with that team’s owner for over 15 years, and not because he’s got the best (albeit the weirdest) team name in our league. But because when he senses a good deal for both parties, he doesn’t get cute. He pulls the trigger. We both needed to hammer out a deal, so rather than trying to bilk each other, we put our heads together and didn’t rest until we found common ground.

With by far the greatest receiving depth in the league, and a strong need for a dependable rusher, Mailbox Head (also 2-3 entering today) wanted to trade me Reggie Wayne (left, not to be confused with Dwayne Wayne) for Mr. McAllister over two weeks ago — but was hesitant, in large part due to the status of his other star WR, Terrell Owens, after the whole suicide attempt / drug overdose thing. Understandable.

But with T.O. looking normal (as normal as T.O. can look, anyway) he quickly accepted Deuce in exchange for Wayne when offered by yours truly a second time. The agreement was finalized not a moment too soon for two squads fading quickly into the land of the irrelevant.

With Wayne and a hopefully-healthy Fitzgerald in the lineup a week from now, the K-Federation, Yo, should be ready to embark on an epic win streak. I can’t help but wonder, however, if naming a team after a proven loser like Kevin Federline might be contributing to its struggles.

Mitch Cozad, a.k.a. the knife-wielding punter at the University of Northern Colorado, officially has competition for weirdest college football story of the year.

The University of Wisconsin put its marching band on probation for hazing and general rowdiness involving alcohol and sexual acts, school officials said.

The school’s chancellor, John Wiley, said a band member was pressured into shaving his head in a hazing incident, while other members danced semi-nude during the band’s trip to the University of Michigan on September 23.

“It has become increasingly clear that certain types of sexualized and hazing behavior are an ingrained part of the band’s culture,” Wiley said. “We will not provide an ongoing venue for this inappropriate and demeaning behavior.”

The band’s antics have gotten so notorious that the UW athletic department reportedly set aside money so cheerleaders and the dance squad can travel in separate buses to avoid harassment.

In an October 3 letter, Wiley told band’s director, Michael Leckrone, to clean up the program, which he has led for 38 years.

Two days later, Wiley warned the band’s 300 members that they risked losing travel and performance privileges. Most reports of misconduct during the Michigan trip involved one of seven buses returning home.

“We had multiple reports of highly sexualized banter taking place that made several women in particular feel quite uncomfortable. We had dancing and disrobing taking place that made some people feel not only uncomfortable but unsafe,” said an eyewitness.

The head-shaving incident was reported by a faculty member who believed “the individual would have preferred to keep his hair.” Separately, the school said it is investigating a sexual harassment complaint against a band staff member. No other details have been released at this time.

Hopefully, the scandal involving these crazy marching band hooligans won’t disrupt Wisconsin’s fine season. The Badgers, who throttled Minnesota yesterday, 48-12, to retain Paul Bunyan’s axe (how many absurd traditions can one conference have?) are quietly 6-1 to date and nipping at the heels of Michigan and Ohio State in the Big Ten.

These guys need to concentrate on football, not the drinking and odd sexual exploits of its spirited pep band. Come on, guys. Every group of college kids knows that if you’re going to haze people and act like jackasses, at least keep it on the down-low.

This is a sad story — not because of what happened to the “victims,” but because the band was dumb enough to get caught. Based on its own personal experiences with hazing, The Sports Truth advises the parties who filed complaints in the Wisconsin band case to man up.

Really now. Who among us hasn’t had our head shaved or been forced to run around naked in sub-zero temperatures? Or been drenched in hot sauce? Grow a pair.

The Sports Truth is proud to bring you The Weigh-In, in which we break down prospective matchups within the world of sports (and sometimes pop culture) that you may never have considered. Because they are pointless, and above all, not real.

Our latest edition is a showdown of sports stars with the same name, only spelled differently. It’s the Indiana Pacers’ fan-brawlin’, strip club shootin’ swingman, Stephen Jackson, against explosive St. Louis Rams running back Steven Jackson. Who will emerge triumphant? Ding, ding!

1. MIDDLE NAME

Stephen Jackson: Jesse
Steven Jackson: Rashad
Edge: Stephen

2. NICKNAME

Stephen Jackson: Steve Jack
Steven Jackson: Action
Edge: Steven

3. SIGNATURE LOOK

Stephen Jackson: Headbands, armbands, wristbands, busted grill
Steven Jackson: Dreadlocks flowing out from under helmet
Edge: Steven

4. FANTASY FACTOR

Stephen Jackson: Pretty effective when he’s not suspended, accounting for a minimum of 16.4 points, 3.9 rebounds, 2.3 assists and 1.3 steals a game for three years running
Steven Jackson: With 2,184 yards and 13 TDs in 34 career games, and having emerged from Marshall Faulk’s shadow, he’s a stud in training
Edge: Steven

5. THE PROMISED LAND

Stephen Jackson: Helped the Spurs win their second NBA Championship in 2003 by averaging about 13 points per game in the playoffs
Steven Jackson: Rams are 1-1 in his two playoff games
Edge: Stephen

6. BEAVER CONNECTION

Stephen Jackson: Loves him some strip clubs
Steven Jackson: Played for Oregon State
Edge: Steven

7. THUG LIFE CREDENTIALS

Stephen Jackson: Received 30-game suspension as one of the major participants in the infamous Pistons-Pacers brawl; Charged with felony criminal recklessness and some other misdemeanors stemming from a strip club fight / shooting last week (violating terms of his probation in the process, no less)
Steven Jackson: Pretty straight-laced for a guy who grew up in Vegas
Edge: Stephen

8. GOOGLE SEARCH RESULTS

Stephen Jackson: 31,200,000
Steven Jackson: 23,600,000
Edge: Stephen

9. OTHER NOTABLE NAMESAKES FOUND DURING AFOREMENTIONED GOOGLE SEARCH

Stephen Jackson: Stephen Jackson, Quaternary Plant Ecology & Biogeography Professor at the University of Wyoming
Steven Jackson: Steven Jackson, an Alabama singer/songwriter and bassist, who is also a former collaborator and bandmate of the reigning American Idol victor, Taylor Hicks
Edge: Steven

10. PACKS….

Stephen Jackson: Heat
Steven Jackson: Quite a punch, at 6′2″, 231 pounds
Edge: Steven

THE VERDICT: For a time, it was looking even Steven (or Stephen) — but in the end, the younger, more agile and less-troubled Jackson takes it by a 6-4 margin. Stephen Jackson may grab more rebounds, headlines, and search engine traffic, but Steven Jackson owns him in this official Sports Truth throw-down. Not if I could only get him on my fantasy football team…

[Home team in CAPS. Spreads accurate as of Friday, 5:30 EST]

LAST WEEK: 6-6-2 SEASON: 35-35-4

Cincinnati (-5.5) over TAMPA BAY
Is anyone else confused by this spread? Cincinnati is good, right? Tampa Bay is not. The spread just doesn’t make sense. How is it below a touchdown? One decent game vs. New Orleans and all of a sudden Tampa can play with a team like Cincinnati? No chance.

WASHINGTON (-10) over Tennessee
Rule #1 folks: don’t fear the big spread. Washington has been erratic this year, so in their up-and down-schedule, they’re slated for a great week. It’s also hard to imagine Vince Young and the Titans will be able to come up with the level of football they displayed last week vs. Indianapolis on a regular basis.

DALLAS (-13) over Houston
Much like their NFC East rival Redskins, you’ve got to ignore the 13-point spread and lay the points at home vs. a bad team. So often we’re tempted to take the points hoping for a tie game at halftime or something like that, but it’s very rare. This is the same Dallas team that wiped out the Titans two weeks ago and covered an equally large spread.

Buffalo (-1) over DETROIT
How do you even pick this game? Is there anything to like about either team? How many wagers has Vegas recieved on this game, six? Maybe seven? There’s nothing to like about either team, so take the team with the best player: The Bills and Willis McGahee.

ST. LOUIS (-3) over Seattle
Another tough one to call, mainly because Seattle is still without Shaun Alexander. St. Louis, meanwhile, has flown under the radar more than any other team in the NFL right now. Yet, they only beat Green Bay by three last week, squandering a late lead (and giving this prognosticator a badly-needed push). Just like last week, in a pinch, take the home underdog.

ATLANTA (-3) over N.Y. Giants
Sources close to the Giants last week indicated that a poor run defense would come back to haunt them vs. a run-heavy Washington Redskins team. In typical fashion, the defense was stout for the Giants, who cruised to an easy win. Suddenly people aren’t worried about the Giants defense anymore. Welcome to the NFL. The Giants run defense will be really tested this week against the rushing darlings of the NFL, and they won’t pass the test.

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[Cue The Pundit’s Patented Loud, Booming Voice, Pulsating Intro Music and Pyrotechnics]

So, 3-2 this week and 18-7 for the year. Hey, the Pundit will take it that record any day, especially when making a gutsy upset call against the USC Trojans. The only real shock to the Pundit was the futility displayed by Auburn (see below). Confidence… slightly bruised, but not broken after a tough week. By the way, if you picked Auburn to lose this weekend you are full of sh!t and you and the Pundit know it. Holla!

[Cue the drum roll]

THE PUNDIT’S POWER FIVE

1. Ohio State. The Bowling Green Eagles made for another bird defeathered courtesy of the Buckeyes. Can they do no wrong?
Next week’s opponent: Michigan State
Prediction: The Pundit doesn’t see the Buckeyes getting stopped here. Great teams take tough conference opponents and chew them up. And no one is even calling Michigan State tough this year. Ohio State by 3-4 TDs.

2. USC. The Huskies came very close in this one, which shows, if nothing else, that Ty Willingham can spark one-year turnarounds better than anyone in the game. The Pundit missed on the upset, but should get some props to have the sack to call it in the first place.
Next week’s opponent: Arizona State
Prediction: The Sun Devils’ horn and fork are somewhat dull this year. USC, with Dwayne Jarrett (right) back inb the lineup, shouldn’t have too much problem with them. Trojans by 21.

3. West Virginia. The Mississippi State Bulldogs are atrocious, so the Mountaineers get little love for beating a team that they are supposed to crush handily. The Pundit was expecting an bigger rout.
Next week’s opponent: Syracuse
Prediction: Syracuse has been playing better and the Mountaineers have been uninspired of late. West Virginia will struggle again, but will pull this one out in the second half. Mountaineers by 14.

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I’ve never much cared for sports marketing and am a believer that it is a waste of money and ineffective. Now, with news of the new deal between the Chicago White Sox and 7-Eleven Convenience Store Chain, my feelings have finally proven correct.

How genius are those people at 7-Eleven to convince a major league team to start their games at the same time associated with there chain? I know every time the clock strikes 7:11 I think of slurpees and bagged pickles. You don’t?

Check out this quote from 7-Eleven Spokesperson Margaret Chabris:

“Every time the media announces the game’s start time it will be a gentle reminder of our sponsorship,” Chabris said.

That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. That’s like saying every time I heard the number 24 I think of Jack Bauer and daydream about how bad ass he is. And sponsorship is never gentle; these marketing people kill me.

I can picture them sitting in a room for an hour discussing which adjective in the English language would best articulate their mission while still sympathizing with consumers and not alienating sports fans.

Really, all we’re talking about here is money and a corporation willing to throw it away. Teams should rob these companies who think it’s a smart decision to plaster their name on stadiums and sports arenas. Thank God the White Sox didn’t make it to the baseball playoffs.

Unless the White Sox set up two dozen 7-Eleven’s inside U.S. Cellular Field (more sponsorship) and make vendors sell Slurpees for $8 instead of beer, the company will most likely see no return on their investment. And that’s coming from a financial expert right here.

In fact, I want to make a quick buck and am now taking bids to sponsor my rather infrequent column here on The Sports Truth. Any takers?

Trouble really seems to find NBA players in the off-season.

Indiana Pacers guard Stephen Jackson has been charged with criminal recklessness, following last week’s confrontation outside a strip club in which he fought with a group of men, was hit by a car, and fired his gun in the air. Teammates Jamaal Tinsley, Marquis Daniels and Jimmie Hunter were also at the club, getting their drink on and acting hard, but were not charged in the skirmish.

Jackson was hit by a car upon leaving the club, after which police say he fired a gun in the air at least five times. He originally told police he was punched, but later said he was not.

On Tuesday, the Pacer swingman / gun-toting maniac apologized for the fight, saying he was “happy to be alive.”

His comments came hours after police arrested another man on several charges in connection with the fight. Jackson was expected to turn himself in Wednesday or Thursday, prosecutors said.

The felony count faced by the guard/forward carries a prison term of six months to three years. Stunningly, the Pacers did not immediately return phone calls.

Deon Willford, 23, faces felony counts of criminal recklessness and leaving the scene of a personal injury accident, and a misdemeanor count of driving without a license.

Willford drove a car that hit Jackson, sending him tumbling over the hood. Police said Jackson fired a gun in the air around 3 a.m.

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