The Sports Truth

The Sports Truth is proud to bring you The Weigh-In, in which we break down prospective match-ups within the world of sports (and sometimes pop culture) that you may never have considered. Because they are pointless, and above all, not real.

Our latest edition is a showdown of tennis “stars” with vastly different backgrounds who will face-off in the 2nd round of the Australian Open. One is a 12-time Grand Slam Champion. The other appeared in his record 62nd Grand Slam during the 2008 Australian Open. Who will emerge victorious when tennis’ superstar Roger Federer squares off against 20-year veteran Fabrice Santoro? Let’s take a look:

1. Physical Stats

Roger Federer: 26, 6′1″, 190 lbs, right-handed, one-handed backhand
Fabrice Santoro: 35, 5′9″, 163 lbs, right-handed, two-handed backhand and forehand
Edge: Santoro (a two-handed forehand? That’s got to be worth something)

Fabrice Santoro takes on Roger Federer in the 2nd round of the Australian Open.

2. Nationality

Roger Federer: Swiss
Fabrice Santoro: French
Edge: Federer (no one likes the French)

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The Sports Truth is proud to bring you The Weigh-In, in which we break down prospective matchups within the world of sports (and sometimes pop culture) that you may never have considered. Because they are pointless, and above all, not real.

Our latest edition is too close to call, and may be controversial, but is sure to be one for the ages. When figure skater Sasha Cohen and British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen, a.k.a. Borat, do battle for all the marbles, there’s no telling what might go down. Who can outwit, outfox, and out-triple-axel their opponent? Let’s find out. Ding, ding!

1. RESIDENCE

Sasha Cohen: The O.C. (Orange County)
Sacha Baron Cohen: England (or Kazakhstan)
Edge: Sasha Baron Cohen

2. EASTERN EUROPEAN ROOTS

Sasha Cohen: Mother is Ukrainian; Sasha is a nickname for her given name, Alexandra; Can understand and speak basic Russian.
Sacha Baron Cohen: Conceptualized and acts as Borat Sagdiyev, a fictional and highly entertaining, sometimes offensive journalist from Kazakhstan
Edge: Sasha Cohen

3. SIGNATURE MOVE

Sasha Cohen: Unusual dexterity, impeccable spiral sequences, triple lutz, toe and salchow combinations
Sacha Baron Cohen: Lampooning various aspects of modern culture, including sexism, racism, homophobia, and jingoist ideals, through the oddball comedy characters he creates
Edge: Sasha Cohen

4. EARLY INFLUENCES

Sasha Cohen: Parents Roger and Galina, skating coach John Nicks
Sacha Baron Cohen: Habonim Dror Jewish Youth Group, Cambridge Footlights
Edge: Even

5. CAREER MILESTONES

Sasha Cohen: Won U.S. national championship, Olympic silver medial in 2006
Sacha Baron Cohen: Won a British Academy of Film and Television Arts award, received an Emmy nomination
Edge: Sasha Cohen

6. FILM & TV CREDITS

Sasha Cohen: Numerous commercials; Appeared as herself on NBC’s Las Vegas, and in Project Runway, where designers were challenged to design a skating dress for her; will play herself in Blades of Glory, a 2007 figure skating comedy starring Will Ferrell.
Sacha Baron Cohen: Rose to fame on Britain’s The Eleven O’Clock Show; Hosted his own Da Ali G Show; Lent his voice to Madagascar and appeared in this year’s Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby; His feature film, Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, opened Friday.
Edge: Sacha Baron Cohen

7. GOOGLE SEARCH RESULTS

Sasha Cohen: 1,020,000
Sacha Baron Cohen: 3,000,000
Edge: Sacha Baron Cohen

8. LESSER-KNOWN TALENTS

Sasha Cohen: Gymnastics, ballet
Sacha Baron Cohen: In 1992, won silver medal at the world championships of ga-ga, a form of dodgeball thought to have originated in Israel.
Edge: Sasha Cohen

9. NOTABLE ADVERSARIES

Sasha Cohen: Irina Slutskaya, Michelle Kwan, Kimmie Meissner, Sarah and Emily Hughes, Fumie Suguri
Sacha Baron Cohen: Millions of offended viewers, anyone he has interviewed
Edge: Sasha Baron Cohen

10. LEGS

Sasha Cohen: Pretty stellar.
Sacha Baron Cohen: No thanks.
Edge: Sasha Cohen

THE VERDICT: The crazy comic gave it his all, but couldn’t quite land the double-axel in the long program. So to speak. The younger, nimbler Sasha Cohen takes it by the narrow margin of 5.5-4.5. Don’t feel too sorry for Borat — the guy is too busy traveling around the U.S. offending people to care.

The Sports Truth is proud to bring you The Weigh-In, in which we break down prospective matchups within the world of sports (and sometimes pop culture) that you may never have considered. Because they are pointless, and above all, not real.

Our latest edition is a showdown of sports stars with the same name, only spelled differently. It’s the Indiana Pacers’ fan-brawlin’, strip club shootin’ swingman, Stephen Jackson, against explosive St. Louis Rams running back Steven Jackson. Who will emerge triumphant? Ding, ding!

1. MIDDLE NAME

Stephen Jackson: Jesse
Steven Jackson: Rashad
Edge: Stephen

2. NICKNAME

Stephen Jackson: Steve Jack
Steven Jackson: Action
Edge: Steven

3. SIGNATURE LOOK

Stephen Jackson: Headbands, armbands, wristbands, busted grill
Steven Jackson: Dreadlocks flowing out from under helmet
Edge: Steven

4. FANTASY FACTOR

Stephen Jackson: Pretty effective when he’s not suspended, accounting for a minimum of 16.4 points, 3.9 rebounds, 2.3 assists and 1.3 steals a game for three years running
Steven Jackson: With 2,184 yards and 13 TDs in 34 career games, and having emerged from Marshall Faulk’s shadow, he’s a stud in training
Edge: Steven

5. THE PROMISED LAND

Stephen Jackson: Helped the Spurs win their second NBA Championship in 2003 by averaging about 13 points per game in the playoffs
Steven Jackson: Rams are 1-1 in his two playoff games
Edge: Stephen

6. BEAVER CONNECTION

Stephen Jackson: Loves him some strip clubs
Steven Jackson: Played for Oregon State
Edge: Steven

7. THUG LIFE CREDENTIALS

Stephen Jackson: Received 30-game suspension as one of the major participants in the infamous Pistons-Pacers brawl; Charged with felony criminal recklessness and some other misdemeanors stemming from a strip club fight / shooting last week (violating terms of his probation in the process, no less)
Steven Jackson: Pretty straight-laced for a guy who grew up in Vegas
Edge: Stephen

8. GOOGLE SEARCH RESULTS

Stephen Jackson: 31,200,000
Steven Jackson: 23,600,000
Edge: Stephen

9. OTHER NOTABLE NAMESAKES FOUND DURING AFOREMENTIONED GOOGLE SEARCH

Stephen Jackson: Stephen Jackson, Quaternary Plant Ecology & Biogeography Professor at the University of Wyoming
Steven Jackson: Steven Jackson, an Alabama singer/songwriter and bassist, who is also a former collaborator and bandmate of the reigning American Idol victor, Taylor Hicks
Edge: Steven

10. PACKS….

Stephen Jackson: Heat
Steven Jackson: Quite a punch, at 6′2″, 231 pounds
Edge: Steven

THE VERDICT: For a time, it was looking even Steven (or Stephen) — but in the end, the younger, more agile and less-troubled Jackson takes it by a 6-4 margin. Stephen Jackson may grab more rebounds, headlines, and search engine traffic, but Steven Jackson owns him in this official Sports Truth throw-down. Not if I could only get him on my fantasy football team…

The Sports Truth is proud to bring you The Weigh-In, in which we break down prospective matchups within the world of sports (and sometimes pop culture) that you may never have considered. Because they are pointless, and above all, not real.

Our latest edition is a showdown of stars past and present. One stars in the NBA. The other used to star on NBC. Who will emerge victorious when Miami Heat guard Dwyane Wade squares off against Dwayne Wayne from the classic ’80s sitcom A Different World? Let’s take a look:

1. EDUCATION

Dwyane Wade: Attended Marquette, but sat out one season due to academic problems, then bolted early for the NBA Draft
Dwayne Wayne: Received undergraduate and graduate degrees from Hillman College, went on to become Professor of Mathematics at the school
Edge: D-Wayne

2. NICKNAMES

Dwyane Wade: Flash, D-Wade
Dwayne Wayne: Um, Kadeem Hardison?
Edge: D-Wade

3. SIGNATURE LOOK

Dwyane Wade: Calm expression, custom converse sneaks named simply “The Wade”
Dwayne Wayne: Flip-up sunglasses, flat top ‘fro
Edge: D-Wayne

4. CAREER ACCOMPLISHMENTS

Dwyane Wade: Led Marquette to Final Four, won NBA title and MVP honors with Miami Heat, all by age 24
Dwayne Wayne: Undetermined
Edge: D-Wade

5. DUBIOUS DISTINCTIONS

Dwyane Wade: In 2006, voted NBA’s Most Humble Player
Dwayne Wayne: In college, voted Most Likely to Be Stood Up
Edge: Even

6. UNFINISHED BUSINESS

Dwyane Wade: Failed to win Gold at Olympics, World Championships
Dwayne Wayne: Only got one date with Denise Huxtable
Edge: D-Wayne

7. STREET CRED

Dwyane Wade: Guy can ball, sure, but he’s far too reserved and nice for thugs outside Miami-Dade County to rock his #3 (which he chose because it represents the Holy Trinity) en masse
Dwayne Wayne: Was surprisingly cool in his heyday (1987-1993)
Edge: Even

8. CHARITABLE CONTRIBUTIONS

Dwyane Wade: Tithes 10 percent of his earnings to a church in Chicago
Dwayne Wayne: Was always a great friend, husband and mentor
Edge: D-Wade

9. MEMORABLE QUOTES

Dwyane Wade: [on Pat Riley's mentoring] “Coach put a challenge out there to be more active on defense, to be more aware. I know I’m a good defender, but at times, I take a rest. He challenged me not to take a rest.”
Dwayne Wayne: [on why women have it easy] “A butt pinch hurts a lot less then a bullet wound.”
Edge: D-Wayne

10. INFLUENCES

Dwyane Wade: His wife, Siohvaughn Funches; His daughter, Zaire Blessing; The literary classic, Pride and Prejudice. All of which, he says, helped him overcome obstacles, get out of his own way, appreciate life, and let love rule.
Dwayne Wayne: Col. Taylor, Whitley Gilbert, the cultural impact of the 1992 L.A. riots
Edge: D-Wade

THE VERDICT: For the first time in Weigh-In history… a tie! The action never waned (sorry) as D & D fought to an intense 5-5 draw. Alas, neither competitor joins Charles Barkley and Lawrence Taylor in the elite group of Weigh-In winners. But congrats to both of you guys on a great effort.

The Sports Truth is proud to bring you The Weigh-In, in which we break down prospective matchups within the world of sports (and sometimes pop culture) that you may never have considered. Because they are pointless, and above all, not real.

Our newest edition is a showdown of pro football stars who claim the nickname LT. Who will come out on top in 10-round bout between NFL legend Lawrence Taylor and possible future NFL legend LaDainian Tomlinson? Let’s take a look:

1. RAW TALENT

Lawrence Taylor: Widely considered one of the greatest defensive players in NFL history due to his dominance and the impact of his presence offenses
LaDainian Tomlinson: Widely considered one of the best running backs in the NFL with combination of power, speed and versatility
Edge: Even

2. COLLEGE CAREER

Lawrence Taylor: Broke numerous defensive records at North Carolina, which would later retire his jersey
LaDainian Tomlinson: Heisman Trophy finalist as a senior at TCU; ran for 5,263 career yards, ranking sixth in Division I history; Holds NCAA records for most rushing yards in a game (406).
Edge: LaDainian

3. FIRST FIVE SEASONS

Lawrence Taylor: Three NFL Defensive Player of the Year awards, one NFL Defensive Rookie of the Year award, one NFL MVP award
LaDainian Tomlinson: 7,361 rushing yards, 9,753 total yards, NFL record 80 touchdowns
Edge: Even

4. FANTASY FOOTBALL VALUE

Lawrence Taylor: No matter how great, defensive players just aren’t worth that much
LaDainian Tomlinson: Irreplaceable
Edge: LaDainian

5. TEAM ACHIEVEMENTS

Lawrence Taylor: Giants went 9-4 in the playoffs with Taylor suiting up, winning two Super Bowls
LaDainian Tomlinson: Chargers have made one playoff appearance in LT’s career, losing to the Jets
Edge: Lawrence

6. UNORTHODOX TACTICS

Lawrence Taylor: Sending hookers to opposing players’ hotels the night before the game
LaDainian Tomlinson: Throwing halfback pass, diving over the pile from several yards away to score TDs
Edge: Lawrence

7. GOLF GAME

Lawrence Taylor: Plays every damn day, but gambles excessively
LaDainian Tomlinson: Hosts annual LaDainian Tomlinson Celebrity Invitational Golf Tournament to raise money for local charities
Edge: Even

8. STREET CRED

Lawrence Taylor: Once claimed he did not know anyone who wasn’t a prostitute, drug dealer or thug
LaDainian Tomlinson: Tough dude, but squeaky clean
Edge: Lawrence

9. PERSONAL QUOTE

Lawrence Taylor: “Let’s go out there like a bunch of crazed dogs, baby! Woo!”
LaDainian Tomlinson: “Some people say I’m the best back in the NFL, that’s what drives you me… you want everyone saying there’s no doubt who’s the best.”
Edge: Lawrence

10. BIGGEST CRITICISM

Lawrence Taylor: Engaged in almost unthinkable excess
LaDainian Tomlinson: Shoplifts nicknames
Edge: LaDainian

THE VERDICT: The younger LT battled gamely, but there can be only one… and nothing beats the original, who escapes with a 5.5-4.5 victory. He probably bet on it, too — the opening line was Lawrence (-1).

The Sports Truth is proud to bring you The Weigh-In, in which we break down prospective matchups within the world of sports (and sometimes pop culture) that you may never have considered… seeing as they are pointless and, above all, not real.

Our inaugural edition is a showdown of Barkleys. Who will emerge victorious when the incomparable motormouth and NBA great Charles Barkley goes toe-to-toe with hip-hop duo Gnarls Barkley in a 10-round bout? Let’s take a look:

1. ACTUAL NAME(S)

Charles Barkley: Charles Wade Barkley
Gnarls Barkley: Thomas Callaway, Brian Burton
Edge: Charles

2. NICKNAME(S)

Charles Barkley: Sir Charles, the Round Mound of Rebound
Gnarls Barkley: Cee-Lo, Danger Mouse
Edge: Gnarls

3. CURRENT BUZZ

Charles Barkley: Always a presence, the retired NBA great and current TNT analyst is never far from the spotlight
Gnarls Barkley: One of the hottest acts in music right now
Edge: Gnarls

4. CRAZY FACTOR

Charles Barkley: Someone generously listed at 6′6″ wouldn’t be among the NBA’s career leaders in rebounds or technical fouls if he didn’t have a few screws loose. Nor would said individual jokingly elbow an Angolan player in the Olympics, or throw a fan through a plate glass window.
Gnarls Barkley: Their single “Crazy” is the first song ever to top the UK singles charts purely on download sales, and also the first single to top the charts for nine weeks consecutively since 1994. Debut CD featuring the song has sold nearly 800,000 copies.
Edge: Even

5. NOTEWORTHY TEAMMATES

Charles Barkley: Julius Erving, Hakeem Olajuwon, Clyde Drexler, Kevin Johnson
Gnarls Barkley: Gorillaz, Goodie Mob
Edge: Charles

6. KNOCK

Charles Barkley: Never won an NBA title
Gnarls Barkley: Electronic music lacks mainstream credibility
Edge: Gnarls

7. BANK

Charles Barkley: Over $43 million in career earnings, probably at least that in endorsements, plus investments; Well-paid NBA TV analyst
Gnarls Barkley: Doing pretty well for themselves, but can’t be nearing Charles’ nine-figure territory yet.
Edge: Charles

8. SOUND BYTES

Charles Barkley: [on SI's Rick Reilly]: “Of all the people in sports I’d like to throw through a plate glass window, Reilly’s not one of them. It’s a shame though, skinny white boy looks real aerodynamic.”
Gnarls Barkley: [on performing live]: “This ain’t just some studio act. We bring the $h!t.”
Edge: Charles

9. POSSIBLE CONTROVERSY CAUSES

Charles Barkley: Fines, profane tirades, bar fights, making absurdly un-PC remarks
Gnarls Barkley: Copyright infringement
Edge: Charles

10. FUTURE ASPIRATIONS

Charles Barkley: Running for Governor of Alabama, ripping today’s NBA stars, lots of golf, gambling many U.S. dollars
Gnarls Barkley: Revolutionizing radio with a uniquely catchy fusion of hip-hop and soul
Edge: Even

THE VERDICT: Gnarls may be all the rage these days, but Charles, the original Barkley, takes it by the score of 6-4. Crazy stuff.