The Sports Truth

51 points.

That was the margin I enjoyed going into Sunday night’s much-anticipated Colts-Patriots battle, with my star receiver, Reggie Wayne, still to play and my opponent enjoying the services of both Peyton Manning and Marvin Harrison. We were cautiously optimistic, but would need almost every one of those 51 points to hold on for a gut-wrenching, desperate fantasy football win.

Mr. Britney Spears, a team that may have to rename itself Britney’s Divorce Lawyers in light of recent events, wouldn’t have had that cushion to begin with were it not for a complete team effort in the 1:00 and 4:00 games.

There was no margin for error. The Boss Bombers, led by a general manager for whom The 40-Year-Old Virgin is not just a movie but an inevitability, somehow held a firm grasp on first place at 7-1. We came in at 4-4 and battling for our playoff lives. Everything had to click for us Sunday.

For the second straight week, giving Philip Rivers the start at QB over Drew Brees (the irony) proved inadvisable. But aside from that, it was smooth sailing right up until the night game. Larry Johnson ran for 172 yards and a touchdown, then offered this quote after the game to further motivate his teammates.

“I’m a little disappointed because I feel we did leave 200 yards of rushing on that field,” LJ said. “The way we were going out there and just pushing them backward and shakings things up, we should have done even more.”

That’s the kind of attitude we’d need if we were going to knock off the Bombers, and LJ’s teammates responded. Tony Gonzalez caught a pair of TD passes. Chester Taylor was able to grind out 96 yards rushing and catch eight passes out of the backfield for 14 points at the other running back spot. Mark Clayton got into the mix with eight catches of his own, while San Diego’s defense notched two turnovers — one a fumble returned for a score — against the beleaguered Browns.

But the game ball goes, without question, to Javon Walker (above). We drafted Javon high and had big expectations for him coming into the year, and while he’s played some good football, this served as his coming out party — and we’re not talking Neil Patrick Harris style.

With six receptions for 134 yards and two TDs, and a 72-yard reverse that also went for a touchdown, Walker established himself as a premiere threat in this league — and staked us to the 51-point edge we’d take into the Pats-Colts bloodbath. Little did we know how vital that would be.
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My fantasy football team needed a wake-up call.

Reggie Wayne delivered it.

The newly-acquired wideout caught seven passes for 122 yards and a score, giving Mr. Britney Spears (me) a badly-needed boost at receiver and raising the bar for a group of underachieving teammates. Wayne’s 23 points were not enough to propel us to a demonstrative, 138-91 victory on their own, but they sent a message in the early going that this was a new team.

New name. New lineup. New mentality.

When we suffered a humiliating loss in Week Six to fall to 2-4, we made a decision. This was not about to be a lost season, and if we were going to fall short of our goal (every season’s goal is winning the title), we were at least going down like men. We were going to play smash-mouth football and leave it all on the field. Nothing less than 110 percent effort would be tolerated from here on out.

To that effect, Olindo Mare and the Miami defense have both been issued their unconditional release. They weren’t buying into our philosophy, and are officially looking for other work. We’re not kidding around.

Also answering the bell was star running back and #1 overall pick Larry Johnson. He had been lackluster through the first six games, but ran for 128 yards and a pair of touchdowns Sunday against the Chargers. That was good enough to negate the strong effort from our opposition’s LaDainian Tomlinson. It was that matchup that concerned our coaching staff most. We felt at some other positions, we were stronger. We were right.

In his first career start (for me), Philip Rivers threw for 266 yards and two TDs. A commendable effort and not one sign of the yips. Chester Taylor ran for 169 yards, including a 95-yard touchdown scamper. Tony Gonzalez and Javon Walker each eclipsed the century mark in receiving yards and hauled in a combined 15 balls.

The rout was on. “Warm up the bus” chants rained down upon the defeated Darkstar Dragons. The fact that the Dragons’ GM is also a personal friend of mine, rather than one of the several GMs in my league I don’t know, made the victory all that much sweeter. A win is a win, don’t get me wrong — but the $h!t talking potential is amplified when you can put a dejected face to your victim.

Of course, it won’t mean anything if we don’t back it up this week.

We’re still in 8th place out of 14, and have little margin for error if we want to earn one of the six postseason berths. No more letdowns are permissable.

The slumping Hard Dawgs (2-5) are on the agenda this weekend, and with our 3-4 mark and one-game win streak, we’re feeling like this one’s pretty much in the bag. It’s not overconfidence talking. Just our dearth of talent, and of course, our new mentality.

Smash-mouth, baby. Smash-mouth.

That about sums up the fantasy team of this supposed expert, which will be 2-4 as of tomorrow barring a miracle from Javon Walker. Despite what many considered to be the best fantasy football draft of my 14-team league, I’m on the outside looking in when it comes to the playoffs.

With seven regular season games to go, and probably needing to go 8-5 to finish in the top six and gain a postseason berth, I had to shake this underachieving fantasy football roster up. After pathetic output at wide receiver and three losses by a combined eight points, I decided it was time to drop Deuce.

Then I decided I had to move Deuce McAllister of the New Orleans Saints, a.k.a. Team Katrina, because having four good running backs is not going to do a lot for you when you can only use two of them per week (my league has no hybrid spot).

As my first round pick and the #1 overall selection, Larry Johnson, and the Vikings’ Chester Taylor appear entrenched as my 1-2 punch, I opted to keep Laurence Muroney as my third back and add a quality receiver to supplement Larry Fitzgerald (whose hamstring is a major concern) and Javon.

It was a long dealmaking process, but one that ended well — and leaves me somewhat confident in my playoff chances despite having little to no margin for error the rest of the way. In classic early-stage negotiating fashion, I threw out ridiculous proposals designed to land Steve Smith, Chad Johnson or Marvin Harrison. No dice.

Then, having made it known that I was looking to move Deuce (who, it must be said, would have won me two games this year had I played him over the aforementioned Mr. Taylor), I received the requisite low-ball offers. No way was I going to trade for Antwaan Randle-El or Amani Toomer, but at the very least, I’d gotten some interest.

I was actually pondering another deal when the trade I’d been seeking all along came through. The John Mark Karr All-Stars (classy name) had offered Isaac Bruce in exchange for Chester Taylor. I knew I’d be getting the worst of that agreement, but was desperate enough for WR help to consider it. But then Mailbox Head came through.

I love Mailbox Head. Not just because I’ve been friends with that team’s owner for over 15 years, and not because he’s got the best (albeit the weirdest) team name in our league. But because when he senses a good deal for both parties, he doesn’t get cute. He pulls the trigger. We both needed to hammer out a deal, so rather than trying to bilk each other, we put our heads together and didn’t rest until we found common ground.

With by far the greatest receiving depth in the league, and a strong need for a dependable rusher, Mailbox Head (also 2-3 entering today) wanted to trade me Reggie Wayne (left, not to be confused with Dwayne Wayne) for Mr. McAllister over two weeks ago — but was hesitant, in large part due to the status of his other star WR, Terrell Owens, after the whole suicide attempt / drug overdose thing. Understandable.

But with T.O. looking normal (as normal as T.O. can look, anyway) he quickly accepted Deuce in exchange for Wayne when offered by yours truly a second time. The agreement was finalized not a moment too soon for two squads fading quickly into the land of the irrelevant.

With Wayne and a hopefully-healthy Fitzgerald in the lineup a week from now, the K-Federation, Yo, should be ready to embark on an epic win streak. I can’t help but wonder, however, if naming a team after a proven loser like Kevin Federline might be contributing to its struggles.