The Sports Truth

[Cue The Pundit’s Patented Loud Booming Voice, Pulsing Intro Music & Pyrotechnics]

The Pundit would like to apologize to his rabid fan base for neglecting them this past week. The Pundit simply didn’t have to time to drop his knowledge on the masses with the usual vigor and quality that is his calling card.

The Pundit knows what you are all thinking. “Pundit, you got lazy on one of the best weeks of the year! USC gets dropped, Miami’s whole team almost gets arrested, and almost every top 10 team had a barnburner!”

The Pundit’s response is thus: “Piss off. You still don’t have the game-calling acumen that the Pundit does!” At last count, the Pundit’s record was 22-8 with some money spread calls to boot. Let’s make that 26-8 with the pundit’s week 4-0 Week 8 results. The Pundit asks, “Who is still your daddy when it comes to college football?”

[Cue the Drum Roll]

THE PUNDIT’S POWER FIVE

1. Ohio State. Another two teams (Indiana and Minnesota) get stomped on by the Buckeyes. Next!
Next week’s opponent: Illinois
Prediction: The schedule gods must have been getting hummers from Jim Tressel for this gift of a schedule. Buckeyes by 35 in a snoozer.

2. Michigan. The Wolverines showed their blue-collar side with tough wins over Iowa and Northwestern. The lack of firepower is getting the Pundit thinking that Ohio State is going to be in the BCS title game… that is, unless Mario Manningham gets back ahead of schedule.
Next week’s opponent: Ball State
Prediction: The Pundit guesses that Lloyd Carr must have only given the schedule gods a handjob because this gift falls after two tough conference games. Michigan in another Big 10 snooze fest by 35. Sidenote: The Ball State Cardinals are one of the worst teams in college football… ever!

3. West Virginia. They handled the Huskies and then get a bye right before the Louisville game. Does the Pundit smell a letdown?
Next week’s opponent: Louisville
Prediction: This is hands down one of the games of the year! Two of the most explosive and nastiest offenses in the country are going to shoot it out over what is looking to be a BCS championship run and the Big East title. Ka-Ching! The Pundit is feeling Louisville in a wild and crazy game, and calling the total score just for fun. These teams will drop 80+ points in this one!

4. Louisville. The Cards beat up on Cincinatti and Syracuse, two very scrappy teams. This is a big advantage in their matchup with the Mountaineers, because they didn’t have much of a chance for a let down.
Next week’s opponent: West Virginia
Prediction: See Above

5. Texas. The Pundit had to break down and do it. He had to give a one-loss team its due (Save your oxygen, Boise State and Rutgers fans — you aren’t that good yet). The pundit will admit that the SEC probably has four better teams (Tennessee, LSU, Florida, Auburn) but Texas gets the nod because they don’t have to play such a brutal schedule in the Big 12. Remember, this crappy BCS system is not about the who’s really the best, but who is the last dog standing. Texas has a huge advantage in this regard.
Next Week’s Opponent: Oklahoma State
Prediction: Even though the Longhorns struggled last week against Texas Tech, Colt McCoy is playing better every week and will lead his boys to victory in a comfortable, but not easy win.

Note: The Pundit is calling for Louisville to win and the Mountaineers to lose in the Power Five. This will only count once for or against the Pundit’s record. When you pick at a .750 clip and call several spreads a week. you can get away such pronouncements.

Team Most Likely to Break Into the Top Five With One Loss: USC (Oregon State — ha!), all the one-loss SEC teams, California (they could sneak in if someone in the Big East slips up, or if the SEC carnage goes their way), and Notre Dame (they need some help, but ol’ Charlie could help the Pundit save some face with a little help from some friends).

GAME BALLS

Virginia Tech. After stinking up the ACC with one uninspired performance after another, Frank Beamer and company pull off a huge upset of Clemson. This loss put the Tigers out of the playoff hunt and could keep the backstabbing boosters off of Beamer’s case for the rest of the year.

Dennis Erickson. The Idaho Vandals have been a laughingstock in the WAC for years until Erickson has righted the ship. The Vandals are currently 4-5, matching their win total from the past two seasons. Some rules are surely being broken, but the NCAA won’t be watching them anytime soon.

Temple. The Owls actually won a game! They actually beat a team that was pretty good the last few years (sorry Bowling Green)! Need the Pundit say more?

TEAMS THAT NEED TO CHANGE THE SHEETS

1. Clemson. They went from SEC and National title contender to “has-been” in short order with a huge loss to the Hokies. Where are the Depends when you need them?

2. USC. It’s not like the Trojans even lost to a good team in Oregon State. The Pundit and just about everyone else in the country knew that USC would lose this year, but not to the Beavers. Besides, does a Trojan even wear underwear under his armored skirt? Time to get out the CLR!

3. Nebraska. Bill Callahan was just on the verge of getting over his “I’m a giant turd” days with the Oakland Raiders by resurrecting the Huskers. Note the use of the past tense here. A loss to Oklahoma State tells the Pundit that Nebraska needs to check the overalls for skidmarks.

4. Oregon. Everyone jumped on this bandwagon way too early and Washington State made people pay for it. By the way, how hard is poop to get out of feathers? If someone has any suggestions call Mike Belotti at Nike U ASAP.

COACHES ON THE HOT SEAT: UPDATE

John L. Smith: Canned. The Pundit called the demise of the Michigan State coach almost a month ago! Bow down, mere mortals! The Pundit thinks he should get his own section on this chimp -created, low-rent site for his predictive genius!

GAMES OF THE WEEK

Louisville-West Virginia. If you have any sense, you will be watching this game, preferably with a beer in hand. See above for more details and total points scored prediction.

LSU-Tennessee. If Tennessee loses this game, they essentially hand Florida the SEC North title game and the inside track to a sleeper national title chance. LSU needs a win to salvage a season that “coulda, woulda, shoulda” been a BCS title game berth.

AND THE WHAT THE F*#@?!?! AWARD GOES TO…

… Tuesday and Sunday Night College Football! When the hell do some of these kids go to class? Who really wants to see UAB-SMU or Southern Miss-Memphis or Toledo-Northern Illinois? If you are going to put college football on TV on a non-traditional day, you should at least give the public a meaningful game. The Pundit ask whoever is responsible for this bullsh!t, “what the f*#@ were you thinking?!?!?”

On a side note, it is probably the same a$$holes responsible for the crock-o-poo that is the BCS.

Posted in College Football