The Sports Truth

No pulsating intro music or pyrotechnics are necessary when the Sports Truth’s Starting Five takes the floor. Primarily because our budget won’t allot for such things. That would be so cool, though!

Every Friday, our panel of experts takes a current sports topic and sounds off on it — five times over. These guys have been researching constantly, poring over endless data and bouncing ideas off each other in preparation for this feature. Prepare to be amused, perplexed, enraged and maybe a little awed by their collective brilliance.

This Week’s Topic: THANKSGIVING & SPORTS

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1. Miami at Detroit; Tampa Bay at Dallas; Kansas City at Denver. Let’s hear your predictions.

STEVEN VINCI: You’re always supposed to go with D & D on Thanksgiving. Might as well add Denver and go with all three home teams. Denver and Dallas should roll, the Lions will struggle if Kevin Jones can’t play.

LUCAS DWYER: Miami won last week, Detroit lost. Detroit 27, Miami 10. This just in: Tony Romo can play. Dallas 21, Tamapa Bay 10. Arrowhead Stadium is brutal to play in and Jake Plummer sucks. Kansas City 24, Denver 17.

EVAN CHRISTOPHER: I like Miami, Dallas and Denver, though I don’t understand why the NFL network has to ruin Thanksgiving traditions of bad football and everyone being forced to watch it.

THE PUNDIT: Miami, Dallas, Denver.

MICHAEL STEPHENS: What’s with the third game? Does the NFL really think it can take a bite out of ABC’s Grey’s Anatomy ratings? At least that’s the only game worth watching of the three. Look for Larry Johnson (pictured) to hang five TDs on the Broncos in a Chiefs rout. At least that’s what this particular fantasy football owner is hoping for. Tampa won’t beat Dallas, sadly. In the undercard, I guess I’ll go with the acquatic mammals.

2. And now, some college games this week(end): BC at Miami; LSU at Arkansas; Notre Dame at USC.

MICHAEL STEPHENS: Boston College, because the Eags (as a friend calls them) are led by one of my favorite coaches in Tom O’Brien. The University of Arkansas, because it’s my uncle’s former employer. USC, because the viewing public deserves as many shots of the Trojan cheerleaders as possible.

THE PUNDIT: BC, LSU, Notre Dame.

EVAN CHRISTOPHER: Let’s go with BC, Arkansas and Notre Dame. But really, who cares anymore, with the National Championship having already been played?

LUCAS DWYER: Larry Coker’s job is on the line and… he loses it. BC 35, Miami 24. Arkansas will be the surprise national championship foe of Ohio State. Arkansas 20, LSU 17. Charlie Weis finally get Notre Dame over the USC hump. ND 42, USC 38.

STEVEN VINCI: BC at Miami: Who cares? LSU at Arkansas: Bad for SEC if LSU wins. Notre Dame at USC: Huge BCS implications. USC wins and they could end up in the BCS Championship; If Notre Dame wins, however, we might have to watch an Ohio State-Michigan rematch.

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As a native Michigander, I feel it’s my duty to clarify something about last weekend’s excellent Michigan-Ohio State game, which the Buckeyes ended up winning, 42-39: lots and lots of people from Michigan, including myself, find the University of Michigan remarkably obnoxious and were actively rooting against the Wolverines in this game.

Although the University of Michigan obviously has a storied, impressive program, fine coaches, and quality players, the university and its fans have an age-old legacy of a$$holery that’s simply impossible to ignore. Plus, we’re Michigan State fans and our team is terrible at playing football.

Now here’s the trouble (and yes, I’ll get to the actual game in a second) - “The” Ohio State University is nearly as bad. Jim Tressel seems shady, Maurice Clarett went there, and Ohio is boring to drive through and be in (with the notable exception of Cedar Point). Moreover, they’re probably the best football program in the country right now. As the game began, I kept searching in vain for permutations that could result in both teams losing this one. No dice.

So back to the game: Two really good teams, two really good fight songs, two really sh!tty fanbases. And, unfortunately for me, two really respectable performances. I don’t think this game was ever really as close as the final score indicated, but Michigan showed a lot of spirit battling through Troy Smith’s stellar performance and keeping it close until the very end.

Michigan’s offensive line did a fine job beating up OSU’s previously unbreachable defensive line, allowing Mike Hart to run for 6.2 yards a carry and a total of 142. Chad Henne was a notch above solid throughout most of the game, and seems destined to become the next in the long line of steady but unspectacular UM quarterbacks that end up having respectable careers in the league (my prediction: worse than Tom Brady; better than John Navarre; Let’s say he’s the next Elvis Grbac).

As for Ohio State, they’re clearly the better team, both this weekend and throughout the season. I can’t root for them in the national championship game, but rest assured that if I wasn’t so blinded by illogical hate, I would surely try.

A few weeks ago, The Sports Truth debated whether curling (among other things) should be considered a sport. By a convincing 5-2 margin, our panel declared it worthy of sport status, and one of the supporting arguments for the majority decision (naturally) was the good-looking women.

We had no idea.

Since our debate, we’ve been contacted by a retired curler and member of Canada’s 2002 Olympic squad in Nagano, Japan, who turned us on (pun not intended) to Fire On Ice, the incomparable 2007 calendar featuring the women of curling.

The 2006 calendar showcasing the women of curling sold over 4,000 copies worldwide, putting some valuable cash into the jeans of the 12 female curling athletes who dared not wear any for the photo shoot.

The media furor of a year ago, which included write-ups in Playboy, Esquire and Sports Illustrated, brought the sport great publicity, and the Sports Truth is happy to play any role in promoting the cause.

The 2007 calendar, which you can learn more about and purchase by following this link, is on sale now. It features 17 models and a special page of four models from last year’s collectors edition in new poses. Some of the images are in color, the rest in artful black and white.

“We were looking to add value to the product, not that it was shy on value
last year,” said the calendar’s creator Ana Arce, a competitive curler from Spain, who shot all the photographs and, once again, posed herself - this time on the cover.

“We have more of the most beautiful curling girls in the world this year, extra pages, and of course the same large product size and paper quality. We know people will be pleased, and the fact they are helping women’s curling is the best touch.”

For the first time, Fire On Ice features athletes from the USA - 2003 world champion skip (and 2006 runner-up) Debbie McCormick, and teammate Nicole Joraanstad. The calendar also features three Canadians, including 2006 Olympic bronze medallist Christine Keshen of Calgary.

Keshen offered some memorable quotes when the calendar debuted, saying she would lose her clothes and pose nude if asked. A year later, the Olympian is also a pin-up girl. One that hopes to garner attention for her sport.

“I’m the wild one on the team,” Keshen said. “I say bring it on. We need something, a boost. Some curlers are beautiful. At the end of the day, if it helps the entire sport, it’s great.”

“My hope is to help increase interest in women’s curling,” she added. “To show the world that the women that curl are beautiful, fit athletes. Perhaps it’s challenging to see that when we’re on ice covered in our jackets, trying to keep warm. If you want proof on how fun, cool, and sexy curling is, just buy a calendar!”

Fire On Ice, which we’ve included another link to in case you missed the first, also features athletes from Italy, Spain, Switzerland, Poland, Scotland, Austria, Sweden and Norway.

Depending on what you read, that’s what we’re looking at, making for possibly the funniest clash of sports and popular culture in some time. In any event, it’s been quite a run for Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo. Since taking over for Drew Bledsoe in Week 7, he’s 3-1 as a starter and has been a major spark behind Dallas’ resurgence.

Count the Sports Truth among those who questioned Bill Parcells’ decision to start Romo over Drew Bledsoe. Actually, we were pretty apathetic, but Romo presented an easy target and we took it. Now he’s proving us wrong and then some, accumulating a 100.0 QB rating, completing 68 percent of his passes and throwing eight TDs.

On Sunday, Romo helped lead Dallas to a 21-14 upset of the Colts (as accurately predicted by this writer). But that wasn’t even the highlight of his week, according to ESPN’s Page 2. Romo, who told Fox that he’d love to go out with Jessica Simpson, apparently got his wish and went on a date with the sexy star.

Sports Illustrated’s The Beat confirms that Simpson’s “people” were at least talking with Romo about setting something up, and Terrell Owens, when asked on his radio show about the possibility of his quarterback dating Simpson, joked, “Maybe we can double date and I can go out with Ashlee.”

Of course, even if that is true, Tony isn’t the only person who can claim it.

Numerous sources are reporting Jessica Simpson and John Mayer, the annoying singer now begging for credibility as a real musician, are dating again after a series of encounters earlier this fall. The couple recently met for an hour-long lunch at Paradise Cove Beach Café in Malibu, Calif.

“She didn’t eat much,” a witness said. “She drank double vodka cranberries. When they got up, Jessica was rubbing his back. You could definitely tell they were on a date.”

Perhaps in an attempt to show up Romo, who is still on the low end of the NFL salary scale, Mayer proceeded to leave a $40 tip on the $100 bill. What a big shot!

Who knows if Tony Romo is really dating Jessica Simpson or if this is all conjecture. But we do know one thing for sure, and that is John Mayer needs to go away. He’s the Duke basketball of pop music, an entity so dislikable as to make one cringe, even if one can’t list a good reason why this happens. Except that “Wonderland” song. No self-respecting man records that crap, even if they are doing Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Here’s hoping Tony Romo (or someone) can swoop in and keep Jessica from this no-talent assclown.

Wow. And we thought certain NBA teams were essentially a bunch of thugs. Well, some of them are. We certainly don’t mean to diminish the accomplishments of Stephen Jackson or Sebastian Telfair. But the Baltimore Ravens, seen here attending WWE Raw, look far more imposing than the wrestlers themselves. Bet you at least 40 percent of these guys are packing heat, too.

They comfortably sit atop the AFC North at 8-2, but Baltimore Head Coach Brian Billick might want to rethink letting his team attend such events We saw what it did for the Detroit Tigers. Then again, maybe their intimidating presence is part of the reason they’re in the hunt for the top seed in the conference.

And on the plus side, it appears that Ray Lewis, the Ravens’ defensive leader and All-Pro linebacker, is nowhere to be found. Why? No idea. He’s probably out impregnating someone with his seventh child.

Good news: O.J. Simpson’s new book has been killed.

Bad news: O.J. Simpson himself has not been.

Fox has announced that it will no longer publish the “hypothetical” tell-all book from O.J. Simpson, If I Did It, or broadcast the accompanying two-part interview, after multiple affiliates and the network’s own talk show personalities condemned the idea and urged a boycott.

In the book and in the interviews promoting it, O.J. was ready to talk about how he “would have” stabbed his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend, Ronald Goldman, to death in 1994.

If “the real killers” didn’t take care of it for him, that is.

“I and senior management agree that this was an ill-considered project,” said Rupert Murdoch, head of Fox’s parent company, NewsCorp. “We are sorry for any pain this has caused the Goldman and Brown families.”

This is, of course, the right decision. But rather than laud Fox’s sudden growth of brain cells, the Sports Truth merely wonders who the hell hashed this idea to begin with? Isn’t a company’s senior management in charge of killing ill-conceived projects before they gain national attention?

Apparently, it took Geraldo Rivera and Bill O’Reilly, two of Fox’s popular political pundits, to call the network out before it dawned on them that a few hundred million Americans might find the Simpson book pointless and in the poorest of taste. Wait, you mean this isn’t a great idea?

A correspondent from the Sports Truth recently caught up with Boris Becker in Dallas, Tx., where the three-time Wimbledon winner was visiting on business. Becker gratefully endured an impromptu discussion (and photo session) with our staffer, who proclaimed the big-serving German one of tennis’ all-time greats.

Although he enjoyed a good-natured laugh when our reporter expressed his happiness that Ivan Lendl never won Wimbledon, Becker wouldn’t say if he considered himself among the 10 greatest players in history. But this brush with greatness got the Sports Truth editorial board thinking. Who are the top 10 players of all time? Where would Becker and Lendl rank among them? We set out to answer that.

This experiment proved extraordinarily difficult and more than a little subjective, but here’s the list we came up with. The Sports Truth’s Top 10 Tennis Players of All Time:

10 (tie). John McEnroe, Boris Becker, Mats Wilander, Stefan Edberg. Okay, we realize it’s a cop out to have a four-way tie at #10. But these standouts deserve recognition, albeit a step below the nine we’ve ranked higher. Had they played in different decades, and not taken several titles away from each other, all may have compiled even more exceptional records.

Their record in Grand Slam finals is eerily similar: Becker 6-4; Edberg 6-5; McEnroe 7-4; Wilander 7-4. Of the four, only Wilander won the French Open and failed to win Wimbledon. Few enjoyed the All-England Club stage more than Becker, a seven-time finalist and three-time winner. McEnroe’s heroics (and bad-boy antics) in winning four U.S. Opens from 1979-1984 made him a legend at America’s Grand Slam event. Edberg coolly revolutionized the serve-and-volley style.

9. Jimmy Connors. The outrageous lefty edges out the fearsome foursome above by virtue of winning eight slams, but also due to his longevity. He won his last major in ‘83, but a bunch of Connors’ epic performances came many years later. His back-to-back U.S. Open quarterfinal duels with Andre Agassi in the U.S. Open quarterfinals (’88-’89) marked a true changing of the guard, while his unseeded run to the semis (’91) at age 39 was one of the most amazing stories in U.S. Open history. Connors also played for so long that he won the Open on three surfances: clay, grass and hard courts.

8. Bill Tilden. It’s hard to compare a man who’s been dead 53 years to the players of today, but we’ll award Tilden the #8 spot as a tribute to my grandfather, an avid tennis player who - all the way until his death in 1997 at age 89 - insisted Bill was the greatest ever. The 10 majors he won from 1920-1930 certainly support that claim.

Tilden is quite possibly the most paradoxical figure in sports history: A flamboyantly gay man who almost single-handedly changed the image of tennis from that of an elitist, country club activity to a major sport played by world-class athletes, and a fierce competitor whose regimen consisted of smoking heavily and three enormous meals of steak and potatoes daily.

7. Andre Agassi. The greatest statesman, not to mention returner of serve, that tennis has ever known. After bursting on the scene as a teenager with more style than substance, Agassi went on to become one of only five men’s singles players in history to win all four majors. All told, he won eight Grand Slam titles, finished second in seven others, and had countless near misses. Wilander, a Hall of Fame player himself, has said that no one has done more for tennis than Andre. His influence extends beyond the court as well, with countless millions donated to charitable endeavors.

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The Sports Truth has its eye on sports… and enjoys nothing more than to spout its truthiness at every turn. So with a nod to the the incomparable Stephen Colbert, host of Comedy Central’s The Colbert Report, we pay tribute to recent developments in the sports world with our very own version of the “On Notice” board. We have no intention of letting stat corrections, K-Fed and marathon-running cyclists off the hook:

Certainly an eclectic assortment of items, individuals, and inanimate objects in the crosshairs this time around. Time for an in-depth look at what the Sports Truth is putting on notice:

1. With Brandon Webb being named the National League’s most outstanding pitcher for 2006, the legendary hurler for whom the award is named must be rolling in his grave. Or scratching his head trying to figure out who the hell Brandon Webb is.
2. O.J. Simpson may be the worst person on the planet, but Regan Books, the company publishing his newest literary work, If I Did It, is selling out and giving this waste of oxygen a forum. You’re on notice, Regan Books. And most likely going to hell. Dress accordingly.
3. 51.1. The amount, in millions, the Boston Red Sox will pay on top of any contract offered Daisuke Matsuzaka. We understand the craftiness in bidding $51.1M instead of $50M, but when the next-highest bid is rumored to be around $40M? Come on, people!
4. He struck gold when he somehow convinced Britney Spears to marry him, but Kevin Federline couldn’t keep it together. His antics and deadbeat nature forced Brit to divorce him, costing him access to millions of dollars, private jets, a hot wife and two of his four kids. Nice work, K-Fed!
5. No one decides to run the N.Y. City Marathon on a whim, finishes in under three hours, then says they thought it’d be easier. Whatever designer steroids Lance Armstrong is on, we condemn thee.
6. Hey, NFL: Next time you go change the scoring of a critical play days after it happened remember that some of our fantasy football seasons are on the line.
7. College basketball season hath begun. That means more Dook than a sane person can stomach.
8. Package stores make the list for two reasons. One, New Englanders’ moronic insistence that they be called package stores. It’s a liquor store, not a UPS or FedEx depot! Second, for their recent scare campaign in Massachusetts. The Sports Truth could not care less if grocery stores in the Bay State sell booze, but the liquor store lobby’s assertions that mass hysteria and anarchy would ensure if they did signaled a new low in political advertising. And cost us $20.

While the Sports Truth’s college football Pundit believes the University of Southern California to be overrated (and predicted its demise in the title game last January), there’s little doubt that the Trojans are in the midst of a dynasty. From 2002 on, USC is 57-5 with two national championships, a near miss last season, and an outside chance at another title in 2006-07. Let that sink in for a moment.

In watching USC clinch its 120th straight Pac-10 championship Saturday night with a 23-9 win over California, the true force behind the school’s incredible run became evident. Not to take away from Heisman winners Matt Leinart and Reggie Bush, or the terrific coaching of Pete Carroll, but let’s just say the most impressive Booty on the field last weekend was not quarterback John David.

The USC cheerleaders, or “Song Girls” as they call themselves, are a sight to behold. Normally, the Sports Truth would refrain from writing a column such as this. Oh, who are we kidding. These girls need to come out with a calendar or something. Maybe it’s just that to someone who has lived in the Northeast his whole life, SoCal is something of a phenomenon, a place that holds a certain allure and fascination.

Think about it, though. With these kinds of perks, how does USC not sign every recruit it wants? Even the regular student body is out of some kind of catalog. Not to mention the weather there. Matt Leinart, a consensus #1 pick in the NFL draft after his Heisman-winning junior season, took one class (ballroom dancing) to stay eligible and play another year at USC. That tells you all you need to know.

I’m sorry, but they’re simply not playing fair when going up against the likes of Washington State. USC football is the biggest game, surpassing even the Lakers, in the biggest town in the U.S. How does that happen? Not by accident. Whoever prevails in Saturday’s Notre Dame game is anyone’s guess, but I’ll be pulling for the Trojans. I feel a strong amount of school spirit all of a sudden.

In closing, here’s a little background info on the USC Song Girls, so as not to come across as a blatantly chauvinistic piece extolling the virtues of beautiful young women. They are beautiful, yes - and athletic, and well-rounded. According to the group’s official site, they formed in 1967 as a group of seven young women who walked onto the field of the L.A. Coliseum to cheer the Trojans to victory.

Forty years and many championships (for both the football team and Song Girls) later, the women, now numbering an even dozen, look effervescent as ever in their trademark white uniforms trimmed with cardinal and gold. The Song Girls perform three dozen new dance routines each year! In addition to their rigorous training and travel schedules, they find time for various philanthropic endeavors. They are smart, talented women with varying backgrounds and career goals. Go team!

After the McNabb/Brown/Buckhalter scoring change issued by the NFL and the ensuing fantasy football chaos that ensued, I wanted to start this week’s column with a look back at the first round of a typical fantasy football draft and how it would be different if we drafted right now.

Injuries and unexpected performances have turned the fantasy football world into a giant crap shoot. It seems as if, more than any other fantasy sport, fantasy football is quite a bit of luck. For simplicity’s sake, let’s take a look at the draft in the league I’m currently in 7th place, at 4-6 (I had the 9th pick). Here’s our first round:

1. Drew Bledsoe’s Crazy Mobility (DBCM): Larry Johnson
2. Not Gonna Win (NGW): LaDainian Tomlinson (below)
3. Kyle Killers (KK): Shaun Alexander (right)
4. Clara Barton’s Red Cross (CBRC): Peyton Manning
5. Ned…… Ryerson (NR): Rudi Johnson
6. Shaq’s Deputies (SQ): Tiki Barber
7. The K-Federation (K-Fed): Ronnie Brown
8. Bateman’s Chainsaw (BC): Edgerrin James
9. The Gymkata Revival (GR): Clinton Portis
10. Woodcockenator All-Stars (WAS): Lamont Jordan

First off, CBRC threw everyone off by not taking Portis because he’s a huge Redskins fan. In retrospect, that looks like a very smart decision. I’ve also got to hand it to DBCM, who changed his mind on draft day and took LJ instead of Alexander because of the Madden Curse.

Our first round looks more like what the second round should look like, with Barber, Brown, and Johnson, and Portis all taken ahead of Willie Parker, Steven Jackson, Kevin Jones, and Brian Westbrook, who are all out performing our first round running backs. That doesn’t even take into account the debacles James and Jordan have been, the injuries to Alexander and Portis, or that McNabb should be in the first round.

A first round drafted now, in Week 11, would probably go like this:

1. LaDainian Tomlinson
2. Larry Johnson
3. Donovan McNabb
4. Peyton Manning
5. Brian Westbrook
6. Steven Jackson
7. Willie Parker
8. Kevin Jones
9. Tiki Barber
10. Frank Gore

One could argue McNabb should move up to the #1 or #2 spot considering how many games he has won for fantasy teams this year, but LT (26 points per game) leads all fantasy scorers, LJ is 2nd among RBs with 20, followed by Parker (17). The drop off is almost as dramatic after McNabb and Manning, and considering the unreliable Michael Vick is 4th, that shows how unstable quarterbacks are.

Not to mention, in this Week 11 draft, you could get McNabb and/or Manning and still get Brown, Johnson, Chester Taylor, Warrick Dunn, or Deuce McAllister in the second round. Bizarre to think about, considering some of the RBs taken in the second round before the season started include Willis McGahee, Cadillac Williams, and Reggie Bush. Yikes!

Now, on to this week’s picks…

[Home team in CAPS. Spreads accurate as of Friday, 5:30 EST]

LAST WEEK: 10-6 SEASON: 66-73-6 LUKE’S LOCKS™: 1-3

Oakland (+9.5) over KANSAS CITY
Simply a brutal underdog to pick, but we’ve got to stay the course after a rough start to the season. A bad team, Oakland at Arrowhead, one of the worst places on earth to play. Very hard not to take Kansas City here, but underdogs will lead the way.

LUKE’S LOCK™ ALERT!!
Indianapolis (-1) over DALLAS
One week after I rip Tony Romo, we start hearing stuff about how he’s got the second-best passer rating behind Peyton Manning. Well, unfortunately for Romo and the Cowboys, they’re facing Manning this week, and even if their passer ratings are close, the dramatic difference between the two of them will be evident and the farce that is QB rating will be revealed.

Cincinnati (+3.5) over TEAM KATRINA
Initially, I took Team Katrina in the Katrina Dome, but I’m sick of getting burned and in writing my brief analysis, I’ve talked myself out of it. What seems like more accurate, Carson Palmer throwing for 400 yards and 3 TDs, or the Bengals defense (heck, any defense) giving up 49 points? I’m going with the former and believe Palmer has turned the corner with his recovery from knee surgery.

CLEVELAND (+3.5) over Pittsburgh
The home underdogs were 0-3 last week, but the Titans should have won their game and the Raiders almost knocked off the Broncos. Only the Cardinals were absolutely worthless. We’ve got an undervalued team (Cleveland) at home, getting points, against a wildly overrated (somehow) team (Pittsburgh).

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