The Sports Truth

[Cue The Pundit’s Patented Loud, Booming Voice, Pulsating Intro Music and Pyrotechnics]

4-0 this week! 15-5 for the year! To quote those Guinness commercials, “Brilliant!” The Pundit’s record stands for itself.

All you Pundit fans may now drink a Guinness in honor of thine omnipotence. All the nay-sayers can stick to the Beast Ice — including the creators of this third-class technological abomination (the Pundit’s unnecessary big word usage counter is still missing… the Pundit swears this site is designed by f@&%ing chimps).

[Cue the drum roll]

THE PUNDIT’S POWER FIVE

1. Ohio State. The Hawkeyes got plucked by Ohio State, 38-17, and again the Pundit looks like the man for getting the score pretty close. Sign of a trend this week?
Next week’s opponent: Bowling Green
Prediction: This game was scheduled to give the Buckeyes a break in the Big 10 grind. The Falcons might have had a shot with the QB they had this year, but the Buckeyes will leave another opponent featherless in Week 6. Ohio State by 28.

2. Auburn. Okay… This game came down to the final play, but realistically Auburn controlled it throughout, except for a few big plays. The Gamecocks get an A for effort, but are one season away from winning a game like this. It’s coming though, mark the Pundit’s words.
Next week’s Opponent: Arkansas
Prediction: The Razorbacks are 3-1, but have barely beaten a down ‘Bama, a traditional lightweight in Vanderbilt, and winless Utah State. Only a miracle effort by Arkansas wonder boy Mitch Mustaine will give them a chance. The Pundit expects Tommy Tuberville (pictured) and his Tigers to make a fine southern BBQ out of the Razorbacks. Tigers by 21.

3. West Virginia. The Mountaineers were idle last week. YAWN!
Next week’s opponent: Mississippi State
Prediction: The only chance that the bite-less Bulldogs have is that it is a home game and that they catch the Mountaineers sleeping after a bye week. One word describes Mississippi State this year: horrendous. The Pundit predicts 200 yards and 4 TDs for Steve Slaton of WVU.

4. USC. The Trojans don’t look nearly as dominant as they used to, but they got the win over Washington State, 28-22. Except for the lower score, the Pundit gets the nod on calling for a good game from the Cougars. Can the Pundit do no wrong? Look for the Cougars to make some noise in the second half of the year.
Next week’s opponent: Washington
Prediction: This actually looks like an interesting game to the Pundit. Ty Willingham has a history of turning around programs in his first year (think Stanford and Notre Dame) and USC has been struggling on offense. The Pundit is going to take a big risk and go for the upset here. The Huskies becomes the first Pac 10 team to knock off the Trojans in over three years (no score prediction here because this call is gutsy enough)!

5. Michigan. The Gophers from Minnesota battled hard for the Old Stone Jug in this rivalry but came up just short, 28-14. Can the Pundit get some more props for calling yet another close game?
Next week’s opponent: Michigan State
Prediction: The Spartans lost to bumbling Illinois this weekend and haven’t really beaten anyone of note this year. It’s also a home game for the Wolverines. Does anyone else beside the Pundit sense a blowout? Michigan… by a lot.

Team most likely to break into the Top Five: Florida (a win over LSU makes them the SEC East title favorite)

NOTE: The Pundit is not considering any non-undefeated teams for his Power Five. Realistically, undefeated teams are the only ones that matter in the hunt for the national title in the current BCS system, so the Pundit will continue to ignore one-loss teams as long as he can. If you are a fan of one of those teams, tough sh!t!

MOST RIDICULOUS STAT LINE OF THE WEEK

The Pundit is going to dip into high school football twice this week (more on that later) because he couldn’t ignore this one. Here is an amazing line put up by Paul McCoy, a West Virginia high school RB: 29 carries, 619 yards, 10 TDs. He averaged 22.7 yards per carry and had a 77-yard TD called back on a penalty. Ruminate on that one (and where is the damn big word counter)!

COACHES ON THE HOT SEAT

1. Larry Coker, Miami. This guy’s a$$ is burnt blacker than asphalt right now from the raging inferno under his chair!

2. Dennis Franchione, Texas A&M. The only wins this guy manages to get are out of conference games or ones against I-AA squads. The heat meter is starting to get higher and higher with each pathetic conference loss.

3. Frank Beamer, Virginia Tech. Some may think this is a gutsy call on the Pundit’s part, but what have the Hokies done in the last 2-3 years? Jack. Believe the Pundit. Boosters have got the pot Beamer (left) is sitting in on simmer after a huge loss to Georgia Tech!

4. Al Groh, Virginia. The Cavaliers simply stink in the ACC this year. Again! They might get people into the NFL but that doesn’t get your contract renewed. If they don’t have a strong second half, the Cavaliers will have an end of the season BBQ with Al Groh as the main course.

5. John L. Smith, Michigan State. He just can’t win the big in-conference games. His teams also struggle in the second half against non-conference teams! Anyone smell burning cotton from Smitty’s pants?

UNDEFEATED TEAMS THAT SHOULD GET SOME LOVE, BUT AREN’T REALLY THAT SPECIAL EITHER

Wake Forest. They’re 5-0 for the first time in a long time. However, their wins are against scrub teams (Duke, Syracuse, UConn, Ole Miss, Liberty). Also, look at who they still have to play in the ACC (Clemson, N.C. State, B.C., Maryland, Virginia Tech, Florida State). The Deacons should and will likely get to a bowl game, but no one should get excited about them either. Congrats from the Pundit on what will be a pretty good season in ACC for a small, private school.

Rutgers. The Scarlet Knights are ranked in the Top 25 for the first time in the modern era of college football. Do they deserve it? Like Wake Forest, they have racked up some easy wins against patsies (Ohio, UNC, Illinois, Howard). Also like the Deacons, they also have yet to face the big boys in the Big East in Louisville and West Virginia. Rutgers doesn’t deserve to be ranked in the Pundit’s opinion. However, if they beat both the Cardinals and Mountaineers they will get some Pundit adoration. They will get their bowl game, but the Big East might as well be named the Big Easy.

OREGON/NIKE TASTELESS, NASTY, F’UGLY UNIFORM ALERT

Syracuse’s pale blue and grey uniforms this past week were atrocious!

GAMES OF THE WEEK

Texas-Oklahoma. This is basically the Big 12 title game. The winner has the inside track of all the one-loss teams in the country and will help erase the ugliness of their earlier defeats. Texas lost to the pre-season title favorite in Ohio State, but the Sooners have Adrian Peterson (right), a Heisman candidate. Call this a even matchup and a must-win game. Whoever wins the Red River Shootout wins the Big 12!

Tennessee-Georgia. Both teams need a big win here. Georgia may be unbeaten but they have barely managed to survive several weak SEC teams. Tennessee needs to knock off the ‘Dawgs to even have a chance of catching the Gators. Big time game — you know it!

AND THE WHAT THE F*#@?!?! AWARD GOES TO…

… Sports Illustrated’s High School Football Section! Again, the Pundit moves outside of the college scene for this week’s award, but feels it is absolutely necessary. The Pundit thinks high school football is fun and all, but does Sports Illustrated, a national publication really need to inform its readership about the best high school teams in the country?

By and large, high school football is a local phenomenon with great local or regional rivalries. The Pundit just doesn’t understand how and why SI continues to rank high school teams from different areas of the country when these teams never play each other. How does this make any sense?

Also, included in this award is USA Today for declaring a high school national champion in football when the teams, again, never play each other! The pundit asks you, Sports Illustrated (and USA Today), “what the f*#@ were you thinking?!”

Posted in College Football