O.J. Simpson Killed Two People… In Theory
October 19th, 2006 by Michael Stephens
O.J. Simpson is finally confessing. Hypothetically, that is.
The former NFL great, who was acquitted in criminal court 11 years ago of killing his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend, Ron Goldman, reportedly has been paid a stunning $3.5 million to write about the shocking 1994 double murder, MSNBC reports.
But Simpson is not actually confessing, mind you. He’s writing a “hypothetical” book — one tentatively being called If I Did It.
Apparently, getting away with cold-blooded murder isn’t enough for this guy, who feels the need to rub it in everyone’s face 12 years after the fact.
The Juice, easily one of the worst human beings alive not named Kim Jong Il, talks about how he fell in love with Nicole and how their marriage collapsed. He goes on to describe, in gruesome detail, the killing of his ex-wife and Goldman — stipulating that the murder scenes in the text are “hypothetical.”
The descriptions are reportedly so detailed and so realistic, however, that readers are left with little doubt as to what really happened. Not that we were on the fence as it was. Still, the fact that he has the audacity to exploit the murder of his children’s mother, which he committed, for fiscal gain is unimaginable.
The founding member of the NFL’s single-season 2,000-yard rushing club, and its only member who went on to kill two individuals later in life, can’t be retried for the murders because of double jeopardy laws. Months after the not guilty verdict, he was ordered to pay over $30 million after being convicted in a wrongful death civil suit.
The victims’ families can’t have his six-figure annual NFL pension plan, of course — and Crazy Orenthal plans to spend the earnings from this new book quickly, MSNBC reports, so those greedy bastards can’t touch that either!
Wow. To think we call someone like Terrell Owens a bad person. This puts it all in perspective. Hope you buy some nice new summer clothes with the royalties, Juice — they say Hell is pretty damn warm.
[Sports Truth note: Barry Bonds' tell-all memoir, If I Took Steroids and My Head Grew Seven Sizes, is reportedly due out in Winter 2007. Mark McGwire is authoring the foreword.]
