The Sports Truth

No pulsating intro music or pyrotechnics are necessary when the Sports Truth’s Starting Five takes the floor. Primarily because our budget won’t allot for such things. That would be so cool, though!

Every Friday, our panel of experts takes a current sports topic and sounds off on it — five times over. These guys have been researching constantly, poring over endless data and bouncing ideas off each other in preparation for this feature. Prepare to be amused, perplexed, enraged and maybe a little awed by their collective brilliance.

This Week’s Topic: THE UPCOMING NHL SEASON

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1. More ridiculous signing: Rick DiPietro for 15 years, or Terrell Owens for any period?

EVAN CHRISTOPHER: As I wrote earlier this month, signing Rick DiPietro for 15 years is like trying to commit suicide for more attention. Just stupid.

MICHAEL BRIAN: DiPietro, as his signing assumes that the NHL will last for 15 more years.

LEVI MATTHEWS: DiPietro. At least T.O. elicits controversy and puts fans in the seats. DiPetro elicits wasted space on SportsCenter for hockey news and puts his pants on one leg at a time.

JOEY BARGUY: Rick DiPietro. Because in five years the “Generation Y” kids will start entering the NHL — they’ll be dominate and replace the current flock. Just think, these kids have never experienced a world with the Soviet Union! Their short attention spans and sense of entitlement are perfect for goaltending.

LUCAS DWYER: As much as it “pains” me to not say Terrell Owens, the Islanders giving DiPietro a 15-year contract is organizational “suicide.” What if we discover DiPietro has a “drug” problem and “overdoses” on his narcotic of choice after this season and spends the next 14 years in rehab? Sure, it’s completely irrational, but when you sign a guy to a 15-year contract, you have to consider things like the player “lying” to you about particulars like that amongst a litany of other potential problems.

MICHAEL STEPHENS: T.O. While a 15-year deal is asinine, remember that an organization once chose to deactivate Owens, effectively placing him on paid leave rather than letting him suit up. If you’re going to do that, you might as well not sign him to begin with. Also, this week he may or may not have tried to kill himself. Dallas needs to take out a life insurance policy on this dude, pronto.

1a. [Bonus Trivia Question] What is the NHL salary cap for the 2006-07 season?

EVAN CHRISTOPHER: I refuse to look it up but I’ll guess $38M. Am I close?

MICHAEL BRIAN: This answer is easy to figure out. Take the NHL’s salary cap for the 2006-2007 season, cut it in half… and then double it.

JOEY BARGUY: $2.57/gallon.

LEVI MATTHEWS: Who knows, but it’s gotta be dunce-like.

LUCAS DWYER: 44 million pudding cups.

MICHAEL STEPHENS: $60M, give or take $20M.

[NOTE: Answer is $44 million... we think.]

2. Who would be your ideal first pick in a fantasy hockey league?

LEVI MATTHEWS: A remote control.

MICHAEL STEPHENS: Jarome Iginla. He’s a dynamic player who’s also a lot of fun to root for, which is key.

MICHAEL BRIAN: Brett Hull. If he’s still around. If not, Bobby “Either/” Orr.

JOEY BARGUY: There’s fantasy hockey?! I assume you mean if they settle the labor strike. How about Primeau? He’s good. If you partipate in a keeper league, I would take Nomar and Mia Garciappara’s future offspring.

LUCAS DWYER: The boring choice is Joe Thornton because he does things like lead the NHL in three statistical categories, but Jumbo Joe is boring. It’d take a lot of stones for me not to pick my four-year captain, Nicholas Lidstrom. Defense wins championships, baby (I would know)!

EVAN CHRISTOPHER: Alexander Ovechkin (pictured). It’s like drafting Reggie Bush #1 but knowing you’ll actually get points.

3. Which of the new rule changes helped the NHL most?

MICHAEL STEPHENS: I much enjoy hearing my friends from New Jersey whine about the adverse affects of the repealed red line, so I have to go with that.

LUCAS DWYER: Levi Matthews’ favorite, removing the red line. Seems boring, but it’s opened up the ice drastically. The rule has destroyed New Jersey’s famed neutral zone trap and allowed for far more exciting odd-man rushes. The actual enforcement of clutching and grabbing penalties has helped dramatically.

MICHAEL BRIAN: No fat chicks should keep the ice crack-free in ‘03 (+03).

EVAN CHRISTOPHER: The one where fans don’t have to watch or attend the games.

LEVI MATTHEWS: The elimination of the red line. Communism fell over a decade ago. It was about time professional hockey followed suit.

JOEY BARGUY: The smaller goaltending pads. They should be much smaller. Kids XL.

4. What would you do if you had the Stanley Cup for a day?

LUCAS DWYER: Anyone who knows me knows the answer to this question: I’d eat cereal out of it. What’s not to love? It’s almost the perfect height to sit down and eat out of, basically simulating having a bowl on a table.

EVAN CHRISTOPHER: Eat four meals out of it: Cinnamon Toast Crunch for Breakfast, clam chowder for lunch, spaghetti, sausage and meatballs for dinner, and top it off with a nice ice cream sundae.

LEVI MATTHEWS: Glue a basketball to its handle.

MICHAEL BRIAN: If I had the Stanley Cup for a day, I’d probably bring it to various childrens’ hospital wards just to see their little faces light up. If I had Stanley’s cup for a day, however, I’d probably wail line drives at his crotch.

MICHAEL STEPHENS: I’d constantly try to ditch the two-man security detail whose job it is to follow and protect that thing wherever it goes. How absurd is that job? Gotta make ‘em earn their checks!

JOEY BARGUY: 23 hours of drinking beer out of it. 1 hour of eBay.

5. Because we should ask at least one real question: Who are your preseason favorites in each conference?

MICHAEL BRIAN: I’ll take the Blues and the Rangers, I guess?

JOEY BARGUY: Rangers and Ducks, baby!

LEVI MATTHEWS: The Islanders should make the Finals. After all, they just signed Rick DiPietro to a 15-year contract! Once there, however, New York will lose to the San Jose Sharks. And the circle will be complete.

LUCAS DWYER: I bet on the Sabres last year, and despite losing that bet, the impression they left is, well, lasting. They have quite a few young, talented players as well as the best goalie in their Division and will avenge last year’s loss to the Hurricanes and come out of the East. In the West, I like a similarly constructed team in the Sharks, but they’re lead by perennial MVP candidate (seriously, why did the Bruins trade this guy) Joe Thornton. Don’t count out the Ducks, however, they’ll give San Jose all they can handle.

EVAN CHRISTOPHER: I’ll say the Mighty Ducks, Hurricanes, Dallas Stars and Detroit Shock.

MICHAEL STEPHENS: The Sabres will win the East and raise the title hopes of beleaguered Buffalo, but the Ducks, behind Conn Smythe winner Andy McDonald (below), will be too much in the finals.

Posted in NHL, Starting Five